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I think you should casually tell him she left you off the list. Hopefully, it was an oversight on her stupidity.
In the South, its totally customary to have siblings in the wedding party. You actually should plan on having them as a maid/grooms man. I would tell your brother your feelings. Its always easier to add someone (if there were not enough groomsmen for you) than exclude the SISTER OF THE GROOM. You leave out your high school friend you haven't talked to a lot before the sister of the groom.
I also am a firm believer that the guy's family should be involved in the planning. Maybe not in the budget planning, but they should definetly be in the know about the wedding and see invite, flowers, and cake options (after you have narrowed them down. Even if its just photos, it makes his mother feel good to be asked or shown. (However, I have a fabulous relationship with my fiance's parents)
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