I have been where you are at actually on both sides....

as far as the rehearsal dinner goes...... Your name may not be on the list because it is automatically that you are family you will be there. Hell if my mom and dad was paying for it i would just show up. DID she say directly you were not invited?

as far as bridesmaids go.......the sentiments you have towards her .... would you really be willing to be a brides maid even though you love your brother?

I mean come on i love my brother and i wasn't a brides maid either even though she was oneof mine. Heck i l et my feelings be known agaisnt the wishes of my parents because my sister in law and her mom were awful during the planning....my mom had no imput or asked her opinion on things either.

Its a fine line when it comes to these things. tread lightly!