You guys--I am so grateful to you all who replied/wrote an email to me regarding this topic. You have no idea how much it means to me! This has been a very long, long day and it's terrific to be able to log on GC while doing a paper to see these really sweet, thoughtful responses
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My sister came home this afternoon and it was wonderful to just talk, cry, and remember the times we had with our Grandpa. She's also coming back home tomorrow too (she lives in a different city). I am so happy that I have a sister who I can turn to for support. I talked to my mother--and she is a wreck (no surprise there). I wrote my mother a letter which my uncle will deliver (he's flying back tonight to be with the family) to her. I told her how now my Grandpa and Grandma are finally back together in heaven and how he is no longer suffering.
I definitely feel a lot better than this afternnon (when I found out), but I outbursted many times. I just started crying really hard when I saw an elderly man toinight walk by outside and he was walking just like my Grandpa had (hands behind the back, slowly). I cried when I thought back to how he always watched my sister and I eat...how he was so happy when we were happy. I was listening to some music too--and everything reminded me of my Grandpa.
I keep on asking myself, “WHY would God do this to us, what did my grandpa do to deserve this?” He suffered for so long—but a year of insane hell, basically. Where he was fed through a tube, couldn’t talk, couldn’t go to the bathroom by his will, maybe couldn’t even recognize his family members... I guess right now I’m just plain angry that he had to go through so much, that it finally amounted to death. Though I did not know him as much as I would have liked to, he was somebody truly special. I just can’t understand it...and I’m seriously doubting if there is a God in heaven. Sad, I know. But I just can’t understand it...how sad it was that my mother, two times, was on the plane right before they passed on.
I know that supposedly everything happens for a reason--but now I'm seriously stumped as to why on earth would someone torture people as wonderful as my Grandpa and Mother like that.
I'm sorry for sounding so down...
Killarney--thanks so much for your kind wishes, it made me feel a lot better
OTW—thank you so much for your support in me…it’s time like this when I seriously doubt everything in the world... I’m known for being an optimist...but right now, that’s totally not me anymore. I am so glad that you were able to reunite with your family again—this year, I have finally realized how important my family is to me, and how I should give them more attention. I am really sorry that you lost your uncle—it’s certainly very difficult. I hope that you did well on your finals! Sadly, this always seems to happen to me right before a big test. For ex.: I lost my uncle the night before the PSAT. I walked into the test center looking like a wreck. Well, the SAT for me is this Saturday… thank you so much again Sandy for your reassuarance in me—I really hope that I can pull through! Really, I only have 6 crucial days left—I hope that I can do this.
33girl—yes, right now I am definitely thinking, “WHAT is He (up there in the sky) thinking?!” I am seriously doubting everything, even God Himself. I know—that sounds really bad, but this year has seen such a big string of bad events that I really don’t know what to think anymore. I am so sorry that you had to go through such hell in a matter of 6 days. When my uncle and grandma passed away—it was in a span of about 12/13 days. And that was bad—so I cannot imagine being put through so much in 6 days! Thanks again for your advice—I know it will get better—it’s just hard getting through today!
Thank you again to everyone who responded via GC or email--I am eternally grateful for this support!! It really does make a difference
[This message has been edited by newbie (edited May 27, 2001).]