Hi Silverturtle--thanks so much for listening to me
and offering me advice--I really appreciate it
I am also very sorry that you have had to go through so much
. You are a very strong person!
I don't know why, but I just can't stop crying. REcently, my grandma and uncle passed on, too, and those 2 deaths all happened in a span of 1 and a half week. I was overflooded with emotion--those were the first deaths that I ever "experienced." I was in my math Class--and I just exploded into tears. I could not explain it--all of a sudden, I was listening to the teacher, and then my mind got distractred, and I just started crying really hard. I ended up crying in all of my classes the rest of the day--my mind just kept on going back the deaths, especially my grandma's.
I just feel so guilty--b/c I had never gotten to really know my grandma. Right now--I also feel so guilty for not getting to know my Grandpa that well, either. Each time I went to visit my mom's side of family in Asia--I spent a lot of time with my baby cousins, and this aunt. I didn't spend that much time with my Grandpa, while my sister did. I realized last year after the passing of my Grandma how bad I was that I didn't spend enough time with her. So I VOWED, that the next time I were to visit my Grandpa--who was still living--that I would spend AS Much time as needed with him. Unfortunately--my chance never came
.
I'm sorry to be so down--but I feel so helpless right now. My sister and I were supposedly his "favorites"--and I remember all the times where, when he was healthy back then, he would go down to the Market a few blocks away and get lots of wonderful delicacies for my sister and I. Then he would always watch us eat...I, back then, thought it was strange--but my mother told me it was b/c he loves his granddaughters so much. He would always ask us, "Are they good? Do you want any more?"
I also remember how he was always so impatient (in a wonderful way). For example--when we were on the plane to go visit him, I heard that he would get up at 4 AM, since he was so excited for our arrival (my mother was his first, and possibly favorite child). He would pace around TWO HOURS before our plane arrival (!) waiting for us to arrive. It was just so sweet.
And I just don't know how my mother will handle it--she was so close with him...I don't know what to do!
Silverturtle--thanks so much for listening and offering me advice--it certainly helps to get it all out! unfortunately, all of my close friends are on vacation right now for the weekend, so i don't feel comfortable calling not-so-close friends for comfort, you know? Plus, my best friend (Theta-cutie here on GC) is in Spain for the whole summer.
GC is such a wonderful community, and I love you guys so much--I always feel better when I visit GC! i'm sorry to sound so mopey
Also--what do you all do to prevent emotional outbursts? I just know that I will have an outburst when I get back to school...here at home, it's fine b/c no one but my family is here to witness my nonstop tears.
[This message has been edited by newbie (edited May 26, 2001).]