[AlphaSigOU]

Chalk this up to experience and old age, but way back in my younger days when most of you were still in diapers, I was one who partied my way into a death spiral. I was depledged from one fraternity for some of my alcoholic antics, and there was no one to blame but myself for getting to that stage. And I almost repeated that during my pledge period in Alpha Sigma Phi until I got a severe talking to by my big brother and other members; if I kept going that same way, I was almost guaranteed to be blackballed when it came time to vote me for membership.

I straightened out, but it was already too late for me academically. While I was initiated into the fraternity, I finished the spring semester on academic probation. I stayed for the summer session, which brought my grades up to get out of Ac Pro, but it still wasn't enough to be eligible for financial aid. And my mother wasn't going to be handing out more money for me to piss away. So, it was time for me to withdraw from the University of Oklahoma and enlist in the Air Force.

Eventually, I outgrew those wild days of debauchery that marked my youth. I enjoy the occasional beer or mixed drink, but I no longer drink just to get drunk and pass out. (If I get into that situation, it's gonna be far away from my car keys.) My tolerance for massive quantities of alcohol at 39 is MUCH lower than it was when I was 19. The stricter DUI laws throughout the country have made it a very expensive legal and financial proposition to suffer the ignominy of a DUI arrest.

It's not funny when you can't remember what happened when you pass out.

It's not funny when your friends (and your enemies) tell stories about what you did while you were fucked up out of your mind - and you don't remember at all.

It's not funny when you wake up in your dorm room and can't remember how you got there, and you're offering up loud prayers to the porcelain god. And when you look at yourself in the mirror, you realize your face just had a visit from the 'Mystic Marker'.

It's not funny to piss all over yourself when you're passed out.

It's not funny when you get called up to the standards board and be told that your conduct as a pledge and future fraternity member is not welcome.

It's not funny when you are tried in a chapter meeting, found guilty of conduct unbecoming, and immediately depledged.

I hope maybe what I've just discussed may finally sink in to some of you. NO ONE IS INDESTRUCTIBLE. Don't get into a situation where you can possibly jeopardize your Greek organization or yourself. If you're of legal age, I'll be happy to share a beer or two with you, but I will be just as quick to "whisper good counsel in your ear" you if you step out of line.