With a nod to comedian Jeff Goldsworthy, You Might be a Redneck if...
You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.
You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company
Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.
Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction
If you can burp
and say your name at the same time,
you're shur'nuff a redneck.
You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"
You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
The centerpiece on your dining room table
is an original signed work
by a famous taxidermist.
You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.
You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors
You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took
Your family tree has no forks.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.
You have flowers planted in a
bathroom fixture in your front yard.
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance
were just "misunderstood".
You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.
The FBI surrounded your trailer park
twice so far this year.
You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, "CONCENTRATE".
Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".
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More than you wanted to know, right Epitome?
