Quote:
Originally posted by AXOjen
I'm sorry that you're going through this. Different people will have different perspectives and advice... but I have a question:
What were the circumstances surrounding his cheating? Besides being objectively a betrayal... was this a one time moment of weakness/failure when he was drunk? Did he have a relationship with the other woman... did/does he love her?
Regardless... it breaks your heart and hurts your trust. But the circumstances and what they say to you might influence your decision on whether to work at saving the relationship or not.
Best wishes to you and lots of cyber (((hugs))) and tissues.
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Thanks for the advice so far, I appreciate all I can get. And yes the pain SUCKS...not to mention that I have been sicker than I have ever been these past few days (horrible cold, early flu, stomach virus...tons of random symptoms that started before I found out) so this is definitely not easy.
As for the circumstances, I don't know if he was drunk (although I will ask that when he gets off work, I don't know how I didn't think of it before...of course I'm not thinking clearly anyway). But he did let it consiously go on for a few weeks. He said they were friends who crossed lines. Then it was ended because they both knew it was wrong (this matches up with what she told me too when I confronted her). It would be easier if it was a one night stand...instead it was a short lived affair. He says they were friends, but he does not love her or anything. He swears he lvoes me and wants to make it work. We were also having problems around this time on top of the distance (or caused by the distance). I don't think it ever would have happend if we hadn't been 8 hours apart, but my the thing I'll have to overcome is whether or not he would do this when we have problems in the future.
The trust thing is huge. Right now I don't know if I can let it go. But I do know that if I don't trust him then I won't stay with him. But its going to take some time to see if i am able to rebuid my trust. I do love him but this is truly the worst thing he could have done to me.
And James...if he were dying right now, I'd probably forgive him because I love him so much, but that doesn't indicate for me whether or not I will trust him in the long run. I think that forgiving is the first step, but trusting is the bigger more important one.