Quote:
Originally posted by alphagam-alum
There have been some nasty family fights regarding the things one of them will say about the other to me.
i realize my husband isn't perfect, my mom isn't either--but neither am I (dont tell them though! ha)
It gets old being in the middle of their crap. How do we handle it?--- I have tried to cut both of them off when they start their crap about the other. That seems to be the easiest solution, but it doesn't always work. They are starting to figure it out. There have been several times I have broken into loud screaming fits telling them to knock off their crap. Usually after a screaming fit, telling them to take care of their problems with each other, leave me out of it, and get over it. That usually works for several weeks.
It sucks not to have a happy little married family. But I have to maintain a balance between them. I also know when to step in and be the buffer. It sucks--but someone has to stand up to both of them. If not, it is HELL to deal with either one of them.
Hope I have answered your questions-- I feel like I have ramblem on without actually saying anything.
-wendi
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/hijack
Wendi,
It really sounds like they are both acting like spoiled little kids who want to pit you against the other. Maybe you should get them both together and sit down and tell them how much this is really hurting you (you know, all their childish crap), how much stress it causes, and tell them both they need to knock it off. Maybe see a therapist and get ideas of what to do. That just sucks. My parents used to pull that crap when they got divorced until I told them both to knock it off because I was sick of the crap and being in the middle. I'd still get nasty comments here and there, but nowhere near what it was before I said something. Best of luck with that.
/end hijack
Cash~
Look man, I don't know you personally nor do I really know the breadth of the situation which you have been going through, but speaking from my experience it sounds like you both need some time apart to breathe before anyone speaks to anyone. From what you've said, it sounds like you love her but don't deal with her mom's crap, and nor should you have to...but if this is someone that you loved and wanted to marry, you knew about her mom being a P.I.T.A. before you popped the question right? Regardless of whether or not she likes/respects her mom, it's the old thing of "I know my mom/dad/brother/sister (or anyone close to me) is a pain in the ass, but I don't need someone else to tell me that." Trying to get someone to see the dysfunctionality of their own family members is not something that significant others should be getting involved with, IMO. It just creates resentment.
Though she may have said some stuff that you didn't like, AKA_Monet had a point I totally agreed with like the fact that at 25, it might be a bit young to think about getting married, especially to someone who is attached to their mom and being manipulated in such a way. I agree that as kids(whatever age) we need to respect our parents, but we also need to stand up for what we want as well and it sounds like she(your ex) may not have gotten to that point yet. She might get there, and she might not, but no amount of pushing is going to make her go any faster.
Whatever happens, you are going to do what you need to do for you and I wish you the best in that.