Quote:
Originally posted by cashmoney
I don't know. Maybe I look at things differently. I don't know if I could fully get past the fact that she vaules her mother's advice more than she cares about the two of us. And the fact that she had put her family before me when we were supposed to be getting married. The way I see it, if you're married to someone then that person IS your new family. You should put your husband/wife above your other family. If you don't, then your marriage isnt going to work in the long run. Yes, she was good for me and I was good for her. The problem came when her mother got caught up in the mix and started yapping shit off in her ear. Now there were things I could have dealt with differently. I look back and realize I shouldn't have told her that her mother was selfish, unhappy bitch. I'd probably be pissed if she would have said that about my mother....but if it were true I wouldn't hold it against her. The fact that she hasnt called me at all herself proves to me that she thinks she didnt do anything wrong and that, in her words, the problem was me. I mean, I'd probably feel different about it all if she called me and told me that she messed up and that she was sorry for being the way she was and that from now on she'll put me first and not listen to her mother when it comes to our relationship.....but I don't forsee that coming out of her mouth. I've given thought to the whole pre-marital counseling thing but realized thats too gay. Besides, I don't know how she'd react to me suggesting something like that. She'd probably tell me I'm crazy.
Now I'm even more confused than I was before I started this thread. 
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Sweetheart--
This time in your life is going to be tough for you... Over time, it will improve to something...
Either way, BOTH of you made the CHOICE to be together...
BOTH of you made the CHOICE to end it...
Your reasons are valid. "Let no one put asunder..."
But her reasons are valid, too...
Allow me to break it down for you:
Both of you are probably too young to really THINK about being married.
For her, she hasn't let go of the "umbilical cord".
For you, Honey, you've got some anger management issues... What you are doing is tryin' to ante up chit on your girl's table--when you OUTTA be goin' skrait up to that Mama and MAKE those statements to her point blank...
Y'all been done had needed some time to think about WHO YOU ARE, WHERE YOU STAND ON THINGS IN LIFE and WHO CAN FIT INTO YOUR REALM OF REALITY!!! It's like y'all SKIPPED the getting-you-to-know-you phase and jumped into the engagement phase... Honey, Marriage is an ADULT SWIM... You be best to know what you want waaayyy before you jump into the deep end with full on freestyles under 1:30 minutes...
Meaning--you both are too immature to handle the nature of a FULLY ADULT maritial relationship--at least with EACH OTHER...
You told your girlfriend that she would have no need to worry about you and call about you if y'all broke up from JUMP??? WTH??? When y'all JUST STARTED DATING??? Honey... That's harsh... Too domineering--too demanding...
Who do you think she is gonna trust more? You? The man she has known for I dunno how long--a year at least? Or her Mother, the woman that had dayum near changed her shitty assed diapers for ALL HER LIFE??? Regardless of WHAT YOU THINK OR SAY, her Mother reigns--trumphs over you ANYTIME, ANYDAY in her reality of thinking...
Making your EX much more immature in her little life to be thinking you and her can fathom the reality of marriage...
Basically, y'all won't have no honeymoon... Y'all won't start off on any good foot--no matter how much money you are willing to pony up... Because, this chicky ain't feelin' hearin' nor heedin' your words over her Mama's... She ain't EVA gonna SURRENDER herself to you... PERIOD... Especially, not now...
Then, what's this "head of household" chit I'm hearing from you? How are gonna dictate WHAT SHE SAYS OR WHAT THE NATURE OF HER RELATIONSHIP IS TO HER FAMILY??? Believe me, you CANNOT be a SOLE PROVIDER into her heart... AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN--YOU EITHER FIT INTO THE GAMEPLAN OR YOU DON'T. THAT IS HER LIFE... RESTRICTING HER COULD ESCALATE INTO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE--AND IT WILL BE YOUR OWN FAULT...
You need a WOMAN... NOT a little GIRL--which she is with this princess fairytale belief of life... Cuz are you REALLY a prince charming on a white horse that will take this girl off into the sunset to live happily ever after??? I don't think so--you are probably a nice, hard working fellow just being a squirrel tryin' to get a nut... Which is cool for most women...
But this girl wants a fairy tale reality that you can't give her... She wants a fairytale her Mama put into her head a LOOOONNNNNGGGG time ago in a galaxy FAR, FAR AWAY... And you will constantly be fighting HERSTORY--rather than living in reality, together...
So, on that note--like all the other folks said... Put her on the DO NOT CALL LIST... BLOCK HER CALLS... DO NOT SPEAK TO HER FRIENDS...
But if homegirl gets the guts to show up at your front door to NOT return the ring, but tries to mend things, you need to take her to get some coffee--a public place, and explain to her under no specific circumstances will you NEVER have your heart broken like you did this FINAL time... She needs to grow up AND she needs to move on... 'Cuz really, you ain't the ONE for her...
And I tell yah, the Mama is chiming in all day long with SATISFACTION!!! Saying chit like "the no good _____". Look like how he is to you??? WTF??? He's a no good _____...
Your EX needs to know that Mama needs to stay out of grown folks biz ness...
I could go ON AND ON... But, if you want to recover from this with more of an insightful knowledge about yourself and move on, then you can PM me if you'd like to ask questions... Your issues deal with the soul and the spirit. Been there, done that and GOT a HUGE, BIG OL FAT T-shirt for all the luser assed relationships I've been in BEFORE I GOT married to the BEST MAN EVER IN MY LIFE!!!