awww babe! well- coming from a pretty messed up family myself (not that i'm saying yours is- but you know what i mean) i understand what you are going through. My parents divorced when i was 14 and from that time- my step-mom and my father made this huge scene everytime i went there about how i don't visit and i don't care about them- but they never once tried to visit me or try to involve themselves in my life- and they gave me total guilt trips- to the point where i completely avoided going there and my relationship with my father was extremely strained. not to mention the fact that my mom was hounding him for child support money- so he'd take his anger out on me when i did see him...
i'm 21 now and we are only just barelly able to talk about all the things that happened and are still happening- things are so much better- but i'm still on shaky ground- i'm still watching my back bc who knows when it will all go downhill... its really sad...
As far as your situation... you can only give so much- and it seems like you are reaching the end of your rope... your desire to be at this graduation thing is countered by the aggrevation and time that it takes.... you have made more than enough effort. Try not to let them manipulate by using guilt to get what they want....you have a life too and they need to understand that (easier said then done... believe me i know) when was the last time they visited you?
i'd try to come to a middle ground with them- maybe you can't make it for this graduation- but what about meeting them for a nice dinner in a few weeks when you can plan it better? and if your mom is so in touch with God (not to sound condescending- but sometimes people in my fam would try to pull this on me- and it drove me crazy- and you prob feel the same way- but thats a diff conversation) then she should learn to accept you and help you through this time...
not to mention the fact that you aren't getting money from them... thats their decision too right? it takes money to go a visit- to drive that far and to take time off of work or whatever.... if they want to hold money over your head... give it right back....
i really hate that your going through this- and i know lots of people are... its really upsetting and stressful... try to stay true to yourself and what you think is fair and just... thats all you can do...
good luck pm me if you want/ need to
~maggie