[CrimsonTide4]

The Bible makes it clear that the only way we can put negative parts of our past behind us is through forgiveness—unlimited forgiveness. Like Peter, we struggle with this. Our problem with forgiving comes mainly from four myths about it.
Myth: Forgiveness is something we do quickly. Sometimes it takes time for us to work through the hurts involved. We can’t easily forgive because sin does real, lasting damage. Yet God has made forgiveness possible through the completed works of Jesus Christ on the cross. If we are willing to take the necessary time to forgive, we can do it.

Myth: Forgiveness is the same as condoning what the person did. Many people withhold forgiveness because they believe that to forgive is to condone the offense that occurred. But true forgiveness never condones the wrong. No one hates sine more than God, yet God forgives. Sin is serious—that is made clear by the high price that Jesus Christ paid on the cross. When we forgive, we acknowledge that wrong has been done, but we don’t condone it.

Myth: In order to forgive, we must forget. We often support this mistaken idea with verses such as Psalm 103:12, which says that God removes our sins “as far as the east is from the west”—that is, “he forgets.” But when we insist that our forgiving must be just like God’s we lose sight of the fact that God doesn’t need to learn from experience, we do—and to learn, we must remember. If we do not, we will repeatedly place ourselves in hurtful situations. To forgive does not necessarily mean to forget.

Myth: Forgiveness and reconciliation are the same. Some believe that in order to forgive we must first be reconciled with the offender. We believe that forgiveness and reconciliation are the same. But what if the person I am seeking to forgive refuses to be reconciled? Then am I unable to forgive? Not at all. Forgiveness and reconciliation are completely separate. When one person refuses reconciliation, the other can still forgive.

The truth about forgiveness. Forgiveness is the canceling of a debt that cannot be paid. When God forgave all our sins, he “took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross” (Col. 2:14). Whatever someone has done to us, we need to acknowledge that he or she can never “pay the debt.” When a bank cannot collect payment on a debt, it carefully investigates whether there is any hope of ever collecting the payment, and if there isn’t, it forgives the loan—cancels the debt. We must learn to forgive others regardless of their ability or willingness to “pay the debt” we feel they owe us for whatever wrong was done. Most often, whatever is owed to us can never be paid back anyway.

In Jesus’ day, the rabbis said that a person should forgive three times. Why did Jesus stretch Peter’s generous offer to the exorbitant number of 490 times? Because he wants us to realize that forgiveness is at the very heart of God. If we want to be set free from the bondage of the past, we can find that freedom through forgiving.

We are like the servant in the parable of the unforgiving debtor (Matt. 18:23-35), who was forgiven a debt he could never repay. Gratitude for our canceled debt must make us into forgiving people. We have been forgiven, and now we need to go home and forgive. It’s not easy, but families who do will thrive.