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I hold the legal title to your curling iron.
What does that mean?
It means I own it.
On what do you base that claim?
It’s based on the fact that I own it.
Who says you own it?
I own everyone’s curling iron.
How can that possibly be?
It’s my policy.
But I bought this curling iron.
Right and I own it. You’re just leasing it from me.
But I paid for it. I have a receipt. I never signed a lease.
True, but I still own it.
Why do you keep saying that?
Because I hold the title to it.
Curling irons aren’t automobiles – they don’t have certificates of title.
I am holding the title right now.
OK. What does it look like?
It is a small blue book and it says ”policy manual”.
That’s not a title. That’s just a book.
No, it’s a title. It says so inside.
Who wrote it?
I did.
So how does that affect me?
In a very substantial way because if you die, somebody has to mail the curling iron back to me.
But you can’t just make stuff like that up.
Why?
Because you can’t just unilaterally state that you own all of a certain thing.
Why?
Because if you could, then what’s to stop you from saying you own Australia?
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I own Australia.
What?
Yes, I have just amended my policy manual. I hold the title to Australia. When everyone there dies, they have to send it back to me.
[suffers brain aneurysm and drops dead] Grrk!
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Are you sending me back my curling iron now?
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Hellooooo?
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