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Here's my take on James/Lily/Snape:
I think Snape was in love with Lily. When she married James, Snape became a Death Eater, but reversed that after Voldemort killed Lily (somewhere it was revealed that Snape had changed sides at the end).
Also note that what Harry saw in the pensieve was Snape's version - I don't think James was as horrible a person as it seemed, but it would certainly seem so from Snape's point of view.
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