[SouthrnBelle]

Well Ladies, since we're on the subject......

My father is an alcoholic / drug addict. He's been in and out of rehab several times. I remember going to visit him in the hospital when I was like 7 and I thought he was in there because he had to have surgery or something. I later realized that wasn't the case.

All of my life I have felt like the black sheep on his side of the family b/c I'm the daughter of the famliy disgrace. When people come from out of town or at family reunions and ask who I am, one of my father's sisters will say "Oh, that just so and so's daughter." His family won't even acknowledge that I am the only person out of my cousins who is actually doing something w/ their life. They still talk down to me like I'm nothing and when he owes them money, they ask me to pay them back! It's funny how he's the worst off out of my grandmother's 15 kids, but he's her favorite. He's kind of like "Gator" in Jungle Fever. He'll come over, tell her a little story, do a little dance, and leave out with some money.

My mother put him out for good when I was 13 and our relationship hasn't been the same since. None of my father's sisters knew how bad he was while he was living w/ my mother and I. As a matter of fact, they are just starting to realize it now that he got laid off. He used to be a family man now he is very distant. He missed my uncle's wedding b/c he was too drunk and high and he was supposed to be the best man. He almost missed my grandfather's funeral. Luckily one of my aun'ts was able to nurse him back to health and make him presentable enough to attend. He still managed to act a fool and threaten me after he had a drink though.

I don't talk to him at all. We can be in the same room and I'll look right through him. He didn't even come to my graduation. As a result of that he will not be invited to the next one or my wedding, or any other significant event.

I couldn't wait until Friday to hit the liquor store and get my fifth of Hennessey. It seemed like the only time I could be social was when I was drinking.

I'm in a realtionship w/ a very good young man now, but I can't even appreciate him. I think he's still w/ me b/c he understands without me even having to say anything.

I would love to get help but I don't even know where to start. I'm crying as I type b/c it's not something I discuss b/c people just don't understand. It seems like folks use it against you.