Quote:
Originally posted by sororitygirl2
Some of the other things you mention, however, may be able to be dealt with. If you really love someone, I would think that you would usually be inclined to want to first try to help them through their substance abuse or financial difficulties with some professional counseling and support.
As for the kids vs. no kids or career as a first priority, I simply see those as things that should be discussed and sorted out prior to reaching the altar. Marriage isn't something to rush into and I think if people took their time getting to know each other, it might cut down on the divorce rate a little.
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No, some of the things I mentioned can't be dealt with when they are in
severe forms. I don't know how familiar you are with the terrible impact of addiction on a family. When someone is overdrawing from your account, selling the family car, or doing such things just to get that next fix--there's only so much you can take. Don't forget--sometimes substance abuse does spiral into abuse or infidelity.
The same goes for financial issues--I have seen marriages fall apart because one person's overspending. It's not simply, "oh, she's just thrifty"--it's that one member of the couple spends way beyong the couple's means, putting them on the brink of homelessness or bankruptcy. These things happen--and there are things you may not see in dating (because of lack of money or whatever) that you see very clearly when you're married.
Sometimes those things ARE discussed in detail prior to marriage. People change. I never realized this when I wanted to become an art history professor, but to seriously thrive in your field, to have a job where your health care is actually paid for, where you don't have to worry about getting fired the next year or having your funding run out--sometimes family has to be sacrificed. I have a lot of professors who have chosen not to start families for that reason; when I heard their stories, I knew there was no way I could do as well in my career as I wanted to and still have a family. Sometimes people don't realize the extent of how much a super-star career in academia, medicine, or the law means to your outside life until you're already married.
Same thing with kids. Just because you feel one way at 22, 25, 30, whenever doesn't mean you'll feel that way even a year later.
Basically--you can talk talk talk all you want. It doesn't mean that what you say or feel at one point won't change. Ideally--couples change and grow together. Sometimes they don't.
I think divorce happens way too often in this country, but I'm not going to go and say that it can be avoided almost all the time. Your views are highly simplistic and don't take into account the scope of the human experience.