Dear Soon-to-Be,
First, what you are going through may or may not have anything to do with your desire to join a sorority.
I'm making an assumption from your post that you are about to start college. That's a big life crisis -- a time of stress not unlike getting married, starting a new job, buying a house, losing a loved one, etc. (Psychologists tell us that a crisis can be a good or bad thing, and isn't necessarily to be construed as bad in this context.) You will shortly be going through a lot of changes that you can't even imagine at this point. It's a very exciting time.
From the perspective of a parent who has seen a lot of young ladies, including two daughters, go through this age, let me make a couple of comments -- for whatever they're worth...
First, because of all of the differences you both are about to experience, your relationship may or may not last. There are lots of new friends to meet and things to do. It's a time of great change. It can be unfortunate, but it is a fact.
Thinking back to my transition to college -- my relationship at that time didn't meet the challenge. That's hard at that moment, but generally ends up being for the best. I dated quite a bit in late High School and college, and ended up meeting my wife of the past thirty years in a college class. (By the way, one of my serious girl friends from the time when I met my wife is still a very good friend)
One thing is certain -- and this is for you and your boyfriend -- IF you both want your relationship to last, you can't invent problems. If he wants to stay with you, he must give you a little space to figure things out on your own.
One of our daughters dated a young man throughout her junior and senior years of high school -- but the relationship did not last through her Freshman year of college. She is NOT Greek, incidentally. Just new friends and challanges. People can grow apart. The Greek system has nothing to do with that.
In post college life, a close friend was very interested in Theatre, but her husband wasn't and gave her such a hard way to go about the time she spent in Shows, etc. that they are now in the process of a divorce.
The message here is that relationships are a two way street. Both parties have feelings, priorities and constantly changing horizons.
It is understandable that your boyfriend is nervous about you pledging. He's heard all the stuff about Greek life and parties and fraternity men, etc. What he must realize is that by giving you a hard way to go, he's simply making a time of transition much harder than it needs to be. And he should relize that he's potentially playing with fire.
IF your relationship is to succeed, you must both be happy for the new things that are happening to you both.
If you can't do that, you may be better off separating now.
I've got to learn to write shorter posts. Sorry. I think I'll hide my soapbox.
Best of luck to both of you.
DeltAlum
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