[lil_sunshine]

Originally posted by Steeltrap
Right now, I'm feeling like I'm 40, fat in the wrong place to be so (LoCal), never will be married or have a child. Translation: a complete loser and my mother and sister (a mother herself) are lording it over me on Mother's Day.

The reason I'm feeling this way: I was blindsided today by my nephew, who's bringing his (nonAfAm) gf and her nonAfAm child to dinner. I get these horrible mammy/Sambo images whenever I see them.

Of course, I had another vicious row with my mother and sister, and my sister asked me: "what are you going to do with a baby?"

That's not the point.

Back later.

Dearest ST:

The only way you can feel like or even be a loser is if YOU ARE ONE, and I don't think that you are one. Just b/c family and friends may think that you are too old to get married and/or have children doesn't mean that they should hold that over your head, much less make you feel guilty about what accomplishments you've had b4 marriage and motherhood. I'm not going to start spouting cliches b/c that would be redundant. But I'd like to say a few things (hoping you'll feel better soon):

1. Marriage is a great institution for those who are truly ready to appreciate the ones they're with, but it's not for everyone.

2. As far as motherhood is concerned, you don't necessarily have to give birth in order to be an effective parent/role model. You can take care of a relative's child, become a foster parent or godparent, or adopt. There are too many young children who don't have a stable home life (which they deserve) and they could be living with their natural parents. Raising a child can be a difficult task, especially if it's not in your heart. I have five godchildren, one niece and two nephews, and I love them all dearly. I feel that whatever I can teach them and pass on to them will hlp in keeping my memory alive when I'm gone. Even though I'm 26, I still haven't decided whether I would like to have children of my own. If I do decide to have two or three or 100, I want to make sure that I do that with someone who shares the same passions as I do about life, love and family.