[AlphaGamDiva]

Originally posted by godfrey n. glad
I certainly wasn't trying to say that your feelings aen't valid. And since you voluntarily shared them, I thought I would comment. I think if someone shares something in a thread, it must not be off-limits to talk about. Anyway, like I said, the intent was not to question why you would feel that way about the potential family member.

it's all fine and good to make a reference to my situation, but i felt like you were like, "huh? huh?!? HUH?!?!?!?" ya know? it's uber sensitive....my apologies for the attack, but yikes.

Instead it was to point out that there are more potential family members. The analogy is applicable in my mind because I would not grieve for my mother any less if she was killed in an accident or murdered. I wouldn't miss her any less. I wouldn't get over the fact that she was gone any more quickly just because it was through accident. I can agree that I would have additional feelings of anger depending on the way she was taken from me, but the feelings of missing her and losing her would not be different either way. So, my question was, while you may feel more anger in the manner in which the potential family member was taken from you, you should miss the presence, love and potential success of that potential family member no less than you miss the presence, love and potential success of the naturally aborted family members. The circumstances of their death (or non-birth or whatever we want to call it) doesn't change the fact that they would have become a human child, and eventually an adult with a life of their own, right?

the truth about this is, you only miss the ones you know about. i don't crave the attention of ppl half across the globe b/c i don't know them. but i knew about this baby.....and b/c its presence and life was known to me, and then taken from me, all in the same day...makes me want to fight abortion that much more. whether myself or other women in my family have had spontaneous miscarriages doesn't matter to me b/c i didn't know. it's natural, it happens, no outside forces, it's just nature. does that make sense? it doesn't make it less important, but it's when you know, and it's when the loss was intentional that hurts and was wrong.

Anyway, re: responsibility, you did misunderstand me. They key to what I was saying taking responsibility is is NOT "taking care of" the problem, but recognizing that the decision rests with you, that "with great power, comes great responsibility" (to quote Spider-Man) and that whatever decision you make, you are the only one you can blame, congratulate, or whatever the case may be. If you had no choice in whether to have that baby, then you truly are not responsible for ultimately "deciding" to have it...because you never had the responsibility to decide whether or not you would carry it to term. To me, taking responsibility is about recognizing the role you play, and accepting the decisions you make without trying to blame it on others (or pawn off the responsibility). Whatever decision one makes, by recognizing that there is a decision to make, and that it can only be made by her and that she will have to be accountable for her decision forever, is what is taking responsibility.

i just wanted to quote this b/c you quoted spider man....LOL......glad to know i misunderstood, my bad. i understand now what you're saying.....we're just different thinkers....all makes the world go 'round.