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Originally posted by AlphaGamDiva
uh, what?! there is a BIG difference here. but again, it all boils down to a BIG difference of opinion. first of all, for you to refer to MY valid feelings over MY relative's abortion is hugely offensive. questioning why i MOURN is un-real to me. this situation affected me....it affected her.....it affected my family. it still does. and there is a HUGE difference in something happening naturally, and then something happening intentionally. someone destroying their pregnancy is NOT the same thing as nature taking its course...and if your mother was murdered instead of dying in an accident, i bet you would have a lot more emotional stress to deal with. an accident is just that....an accident, unintentional. but when someone intentionally takes something, it makes it harder. it didn't have to happen, but it did.....b/c someone made sure that it did by taking action to make sure that your mother didn't exist, as opposed to an accident. do you see?
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I certainly wasn't trying to say that your feelings aen't valid. And since you voluntarily shared them, I thought I would comment. I think if someone shares something in a thread, it must not be off-limits to talk about. Anyway, like I said, the intent was not to question why you would feel that way about the potential family member.
Instead it was to point out that there are more potential family members. The analogy is applicable in my mind because I would not grieve for my mother any less if she was killed in an accident or murdered. I wouldn't miss her any less. I wouldn't get over the fact that she was gone any more quickly just because it was through accident. I can agree that I would have additional feelings of anger depending on the way she was taken from me, but the feelings of missing her and losing her would not be different either way. So, my question was, while you may feel more anger in the manner in which the potential family member was taken from you, you should miss the presence, love and potential success of that potential family member no less than you miss the presence, love and potential success of the naturally aborted family members. The circumstances of their death (or non-birth or whatever we want to call it) doesn't change the fact that they would have become a human child, and eventually an adult with a life of their own, right?
Anyway, re: responsibility, you did misunderstand me. They key to what I was saying taking responsibility is is NOT "taking care of" the problem, but recognizing that the decision rests with you, that "with great power, comes great responsibility" (to quote Spider-Man) and that whatever decision you make, you are the only one you can blame, congratulate, or whatever the case may be. If you had no choice in whether to have that baby, then you truly are not responsible for ultimately "deciding" to have it...because you never had the responsibility to decide whether or not you would carry it to term. To me, taking responsibility is about recognizing the role you play, and accepting the decisions you make without trying to blame it on others (or pawn off the responsibility). Whatever decision one makes, by recognizing that there is a decision to make, and that it can only be made by her and that she will have to be
accountable for her decision forever, is what is taking responsibility.
I recognize that I am accountable for any abortions I may have had or have in the future, and I will not shirk that accountability in any circumstances. Just because I am willing to be held responsible for my actions doesn't mean I believe my actions are wrong, but simply that I recognize my own accountability in making the decision and in any consequences that may ensue. I think one of the biggest problems in our country is people that refuse to take resopnsibility. Whether it is as an active in the chapter with those sisters that just won't live up to their duties or to the requirements of membership, or in "real life" with people that are always looking for someone else to blame when things don't go the way they planned.