Quote:
Originally posted by Imperial11
Okay, here goes!!!!
I have been dating a guy (not the one who gave me the bracelet back in '02) for about 7 months now and I need advice. He is a really sweet, compassionate, and "family oriented" man. Anywho, we've had many discussions about our futures as far as possible marriage and children together are concerned. My problem with him so far is that he feels that a husband and wife should split all expenses (household bills and entertainment) 50/50. His arguement is that a marriage is a partnership. I agree with the "partnership" thing but feel that splitting bills in half equals "roomates", not husband and wife. When my parents were together, my father paid all of the household bills and my mother made sure the house was stocked with detergent, toothpaste, food, etc. She also bought clothes for me and my brother. Since this is what I saw growing up, I'm programmed to believe that this is what a man does. He's a provider for his family. He says I'm selfish because my motto is, "I'm either going to pay all of the bills or very few of them and if I'm paying them all, you ain't gonna be here".
Like I said before, I really care about him and could see us being together long term, but money is a very important issue for me and we are already bumping heads about it. I just don't see how a marriage could work if a couple is already bickering about who pays for what during the dating period. So my questions are:
1) Am I being unrealistic?
2) Am I being selfish?
3) Is it too early to even be thinking about this type stuff?
4) How likely is it that his perspective will change?
BTW, here are a few facts about us just in case it makes a difference to anyone:
He's 29 & I'm 23
He already has a child
It's highly likely that I'll always make more money than him
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To answer your question about are you being unrealistic, my answer to you would be no. If you are splitting the bills 50/50 that is your roommate, not your husband. I am not married, but I do know married couples that the husband provides for the wife. However, the wife works outside the home and manages the money within the household. So, its realistic...some may think its old fashion, but its doable.
Are you being selfish? I don't think that you are.
How likely is it that his perspective will change??
For the most part, however he is, that is how he is. You cannot change him.
To gain some clarity, my advice would be to pray about it. God will answer your prayers. However, you should be open to the answer, even if it is not what you want to hear.
Peace. One. Continued blessings.