Quote:
Originally posted by DoggyStyle82:
MIDWESTDIVA: are you really confused? Its non-traditional and the only real purpose that it serves is to satiate the ego of the woman. It is symptomatic of the state of gender relationships. Your name signifies that you are your own woman. A single, financially and emotionally stable, whole person, who does not need a man nor his name to validate her. That is the real ideology behind keeping ones name. When a man and woman marry, they become one entity, not two seperate whole ones thrown together. For a unified relationship to last it must be headed in the same direction and on the same page. To hyphenate your name suggests that some part of you wants to be your own person, indicating that you are empowering yourself above the goal and purpose of a union. When the unity candle is lit, what once was two becomes one, there is not a little hyphenated candle left lit in the corner. I know that hyphenated names are small and trivial, but it is symptomatic of the larger problems afflicting gender relationships. Everyone in my house will have the same name, parents, and siblings. It eliminates the confusion and energies can be combined and directed in its most powerful form: unified and with a common purpose. Sorry for invading ladies.
[This message has been edited by DoggyStyle82 (edited October 26, 2000).]
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Interesting comments DoggyStyle82. These are some of the same comments that I heard from friends when I decided to continue to use my maiden name professionally and hypenate my name legally after I married almost 5 years ago.
I believe that 'leaving and cleaving' is something that truly happens in the heart. My decision has/had nothing to do with with ego or my desire to put my self/goals above our union.
But let's go back to one of your first statements. Hypenated last names are, as you put it, not traditional. Why is that? As Midwestdiva pointed out, in some cultures it is the norm for people to hypenate their last names and for children to take the name of the mother as well. My husband (who is a strong and secure Black man!) offered to hypenate his name as well so we would have the same last name. Would you have been willing to do this DoggyStyle82? What about the other fellas out there that may be silently reading? I told him it wasn't necessary, especially since I did not want our children to have hypenated last names.
Last point...you are right in that I was a single, emotionally and (somewhat) financially stable person before my husband and I married. So was he. I hope all people are before they permanantly join their soul with another. I was not, however, whole. You see, my Father made me especially to be my husband's help meet. We complete each other. There is no doubt in his mind, my mind or anyone's mind that is around us for more than 10 minutes that he is my husband and that I love and respect him dearly and look to him as the head of my household.