I believe men (and yes, women too) only go as far as we let them. Unfortunately, with the chronic shortage of GOOD black men and the high demand for black men by women of many races, a lot of brothers can have their pick of the litter. There are some women who will do anything, go through anything, and put up with anything for the sake of having a man around. Some sistas could careless whether a guy is married or involved and some women actually prefer it!
Men who frequently come across these "anything" types of women might get a little spoiled, making it difficult for the GOOD sistas to be valued and appreciated when we stick to our high standards (yet more times than not, men only choose the women who do). Ultimately, I believe the onus is on us to teach men how to treat us. We should set a respectable standard and refuse to lower it, no matter how lonely we are on a Friday night.
Not to criticize the sista who wrote the article, but I'm inclined to wonder why she felt compelled to be this dude's friend after he admitted to being involved with her and outlined his caveman views about relationships. By saying, "we can still be friends" she basically told him that she was just as okay with disrespecting his girl as he was. She taught him to treat her as though she lacked worth and respect. After all, how honorable is any secret friendship? In any good, promising relatonship, the opposite sex friends of one partner become the friends of the other. Sex alone does not constitute an affair, but rather it's the emotional bond coupled with the fact that one person in the tryst does not know about another. In this case, the woman with whom he was involved (and I do believe it was his wife) didn't know about her. No self-respecting, self-loving woman would ever tolerate or accept being a secret. She dreams of being a wife not a secret. When a guy says "I'm involved," the conversation is over. Men only respect women who respect themselves and demand respect from others. PERIOD.
I agree with those of you who say that this is not a problem specific to any one group of men. Bruz, I'm sorry you got singled out. I know all of you aren't dawgs-- just a few (sorry, I have to call a spade a spade). I also know that, we women aren't all innocent either. Everywhere we go, we'll find bad men and women who mess it up for the good ones. That being said, we must continue to set high standards for ourselves and only focus our time and energy on those who have (and stick to) high standards of their own. I suggest we all seek God when it comes to relationships. I think men are to be led to the right woman while women are to be found by (not look for) the right man (He who finds a wife finds a good thing. -- Proverbs 18:22). This thinking has changed my whole attitude about men, dating, and relationships. All the GOOD men (including Omegas) that I know have all chosen wives that they pursued rather than women who pursued them. It sounds to me like the writer and her friends went on the boat ride looking for a man instead of just enjoying an elegant evening. But what do I know, right?
