Hugs to you - I am sorry to hear of your loss. I want to echo the sentiment that you are not dumb for feeling such grief. Pets are with you every single day - every minute that you are home, they are nearby to you. When you are sad, they know it - and will cuddle with you (if you're lucky
). When you are frustrated, they are there to listen to you, and when you are happy - they are all frisky and enjoy sharing your happiness!
The hurt will lessen - but you will never forget them. My ferret died a year and a half ago, and not a day goes by that I don't think of him -- or "fuss" at him when I see a mess (since he was often the source of messes!) But over time, the hurt is replaced by the love in your heart and the knowledge that you did the right thing...even if you question yourself about it, you definitely did the right thing!!
Don't know where you are, but I am almost certain that there are grief groups for pet loss in your area -- don't laugh -- they are wonderful groups that allow you to share with other people what your pet meant. And they also allow you the chance to help heal other people's hurts through your own experiences.
If nothing else, go to the Rainbow Bridge site and leave a memorial message for Spice! That site was such a huge help to me!! Good luck to you -- I will be thinking happy thoughts, and asking Hobbes the ferret to please make sure that he shows Spice around