|
When I read your thread, I thought instantly of an ex of mine. We had a LOT of chemistry, which always clouded things. But the thing that made it the hardest was that he really, honestly, was not a "bad guy." Just bad, bad, BAD for me.
When we first started dating, we ended up having a huge fight because he did something unforgiveable (I don't feel like telling what exactly here, but just trust me, everyone who knows what happens is in shock that anyone could do that to someone they supposedly cared about - worse than cheating on me). He apologized over and over and over, and I finally forgave him.
But then he started showing certain attitudes; it became pretty clear to me that he liked having his "sorority girl trophy girlfriend." (he actually called me that to my face once!) He was putting a lot of sexual pressure on me too, and I just wasn't ready. I was still a virgin and we'd only been together for a couple weeks. I finally broke up with him.
Then I ran into him a year later as I walked back to the house after a football game (no, I was not drunk). We ended up talking for over an hour. He kept telling me that he was such an idiot before, he admitted he was really immature, he had spent a lot of time in the last year upset that he had let such a fantastic girl go, can't believe he screwed up so bad, etc. Finally, he asked if he could call me. I hesitated and then said yes.
So we started dating again. At first everything was great. He was always a funny, charismatic guy, and again, we had crazy, insane chemistry. He definitely was nuts about me and kept talking about how he wanted me to meet his family. (HUGE step for him - he'd really been a player before).
Then trouble again. My friends that knew what happened the first time we dated didn't like him and he was annoyed. He would say things like, "Why can't they just get over it?" And I wouldn't know what to say, because the truth was I wasn't sure that I was really over it myself. I told him that no one had ever betrayed me like that before and I was scared of him hurting me again. So then he accuses me of not trusting him, etc. etc. etc.
Long story short, I broke up with him again. I finally realized that no matter what he said or did, I just didn't want someone in my life that would make the decisions he did. There was some minor stupid, selfish crap he did, but it was mainly that one big betrayal at the beginning. Someone who could consciously decided to do something like that was not someone I wanted to give my heart to. I deserve better.
I know it is hard. But good, solid, lasting relationships are built on trust, and friendship, and compatibility. No matter how great you seem to "fit" together, if the other stuff isn't there, it won't work. He doesn't have to be a completely terrible guy - if he was your answer would be easy - you just need to decide whether he's really right for you. And this is one case where "Maybe" definitely means "NO!"
|