[ISUKappa]

Mr. ISUKappa and I did not officially cohabitate before we were married. We always maintained separate addresses. Granted, I think I slept at my place maybe 5 times, tops, during the 2 years before we were married that we lived in the same city, but I always had that option to go to my place if I wanted to. We ate supper together almost every night, we spent all of our weekends and evenings together, but, to keep both sets of Conservative Lutheran parents happy, we never technically lived together. They weren't stupid and they knew pretty much what was going on, but it made them feel better, and made us feel better knowing that it made them feel better, that we never really lived together.

That worked out for us. I don't condemn people who cohabitate before marriage and I don't know if I believe that living together prior to marriage ruins your chances of a successful marriage, but I think both people need to be aware of what living together really constitutes before moving in with each other. Living together is difficult and can sometimes lead to one partner resenting the other--especially if they aren't married--because s/he does the majority of the housework, brings in more money, pays the bills, etc... Heck, I get frustrated with my husband sometimes because I feel like I'm the one who cleans the house, takes care of the dog, pays the bills, does the laundry, puts everything away and all he does is work, work, and play PS2. It is my belief that married couples often have that "ours" state of mind that comes with making that commitment whereas couples cohabitating may still have that "yours" and "mine" state of mind. Now I'm not saying that non-married, cohabitating couples can't have that "ours" mindset and that there aren't marriages where the partners have the "yours" and "mine" mindset and everything works out just fine. Before moving in with your partner, I would go through a little counseling first--either by yourselves or with someone--to settle on how finances are going to be worked out, how household chores will be divided, what is and isn't acceptable behavior (like having friends over unannounced, leaving dirty clothes all over the floor, etc...) and what would happen if you were to separate.