[sugar and spice]

I think this is a frustrating topic for people with mental illnesses because there is already such a stigma in our society and it's hard to face the fact that at a point when you are at your loneliest and saddest/angriest/whatever-est, people want to walk away from you because of something you can't control.

I also think that a lot of people avoid those with these problems, or with certain problems, because of what they perceive them to be rather than what they are. Like I said before, people assume that depression and anxiety and ADD are "easier" to handle because they are so common in our society -- but somebody with untreated depression/anxiety/ADD is going to be 101 times harder to be with than somebody who has their Tourette's or schizophrenia or bipolar disorder under control.

And as somebody who has had major issues that still aren't under control, I am well aware of the "martyr complex" that many people involved with those who have these problems develop. There are a whole lot of people in your life who suddenly think that all their suffering while dealing with you is so terrible that they deserve a medal. If you think what you have to deal with is bad, try being the one with the disease. Yeah, I'm sorry the fact that I have insomnia and wake up with nightmares means that you can't sleep very well. Would you like to trade places with me, because, you know, I'd gladly do it? I'm sorry about the fact that dealing with my panic attacks means you don't have as much time as you need to study. Have you checked out my GPA lately? Yeah, so maybe you should shut up. I'm sorry that the fact that I'm depressed means I'm no fun to be with anymore. Try being me.

If their disease is that hard for you to deal with, you aren't doing them any favors by being with them.

All that said, there is no way I would ever get involved with anybody with a mental condition who didn't have their isht under control. Because I know what it's like, and I know how hard it is. My most recent relationship ended partly because my boyfriend tried so hard to deal with my panic attacks and depression and tried so hard to fix things for me that he ended up burning out and lashing out in a way that hurt me (and other people) far more than just simply breaking up with me would have done.

I am of the opinion that anyone who has a mental illness -- or a drug problem, or an eating disorder, or any of these things that are sooo hard to deal with for everyone involved -- should not be in a relationship until they get things under control. And that is hard because a lot of the times those with mental illnesses or drug problems or eating disorders are the ones that feel like they need people most. But you spend so much energy on the problems that there is no way you can give as much to the relationship as you need to be giving, and it's bound to end up really ugly.