[OthelloStreet]

To tnxbutterfly: You can report them to the IRS if all else fails.

To All Past, Current & Future Tax Payers (this could be you)...


Most of ya'll are cool peeps... and we, the tax preparers, are trying our best to give you the highest return LEGALLY possible. However, it is a few of you who need to know these important rules before you come into my office (for those of you who remember me, this is my “other” day job). And please don’t take this personal, even if I am a bit sarcastic.



1. Please have all paperwork, identification cards, social security cards for you and your DEPENDENTS with you when you come to my desk. Your time with me will be less than 35 minutes if everything is together and on point. This is especially true if you plan to itemize your deductions.

2. We must do your FEDERAL return first, then we will do your STATE(S) return.

3. If you made less money this past year than you have previously, then most likely you will be receiving a smaller return than you have before. Even with all your credits.

4. If you are a DEPENDENT and you paid at least $1 in taxes, then most of you will be eligible to fill out the 1040EZ form yourself and save on tax preparing expenses (which start at $60). Your parents CANNOT file your taxes for you, that is illegal. The 1040EZ is very easy and won’t take no more than 30 minutes of your time. Please remember to get the instruction book in case you need some help. Also, most tax preparing places will work with you over the phone free of charge to walk you through your return. You may also find volunteers at your library or local colleges and universities. If your return is $49 or less, mail in the return… if your return is at least $50 then it is worth it for you to electronically file your return. Some of you may qualify to electronically file your returns for free. And it is okay for the IRS to directly deposit the money into your account (which is better and faster)… that is all they can do. Follow the same instructions for your STATE(S) EZ or equivalent tax form.

5. If you are MARRIED, please do not come in asking me to file you as HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD because you are mad at your spouse for the moment (or permanently). The HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD classification was designed for single parents, widow(er)s, and other adults who support children and the elderly on an every day basis. You CANNOT claim your spouse as a DEPENDENT, regardless whether or not they’ve worked. Your options are MARRIED FILING JOINTLY (the best filing status ever) or MARRIED FILING SEPARATELY (the worst worst filing status ever).

6. Unless you live in a STATE that recognizes “common law marriages” you are SINGLE… file accordingly.

7. If you, your mama, your grandmamma and your daughter all live in the same house, only one of you can file as HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD. Chances are one of you “may” qualify, two of you are SINGLE and one or perhaps the rest of you are DEPENDENTS. Please settle these filling status issues before all four of your come to my desk.

8. Speaking of, please don’t ask me to change your filing status if you don’t like the amount of your refund. If you start claiming and “adding” stuff, I will delete your return and ask you to go somewhere else (most tax preparers will do the same).

9. If you lied to another tax prepared and they told you to go someplace else, DO NOT COME TO ME WITH THE SAME LIES! I, too will refuse to do your return with the option of turning you in to the IRS or another administrative agency.

10. Please DO NOT ATTEMPT to claim your cousins, your play/god children, your neighbors children or your baby’s father’s other baby’s mamma(s)’ children (especially if they aren’t his) as your DEPENDENTS unless they lived with YOU and YOU provided all of their support for ALL 12 MONTHS of the year as if they were YOUR OWN CHILDREN. These 12 months must include weekends, Christmas and other major and religious holidays and it must be every day of the tax year. The only exceptions to this rule are those children who have been placed with you by the courts and those whom are your LEGALLY adopted or foster children.

11. Once you or your child have been claimed by someone else as a dependent, that same child cannot be claimed by anyone else, including yourself. If this child has been claimed in error, please call the IRS to straighten this matter out. I will not be able to fix it on my end, even if you are telling me the truth (which I assume you are).

12. Please do not “lie” to me to get EARNED INCOME CREDIT… the IRS will be paying more attention to all EIC filers this year and will performs audits if necessary (see #1-11 for details). You will pay a fine or possibly go to jail for this.

13. YOU CANNOT GET CREDIT FOR PAYING CHILD SUPPORT!!! That is what you are SUPPOSED to do! However in some cases, you can get it for alimony payments.

14. If you pay a person to baby sit your children… the only way you can claim the child care credit is if you have the provider’s social security number or their tax id number. This person must report your payments as income in order to receive the credit.

15. If you are a care provider not recognized in your state as such, please give all of your clients your social security number, your legal name, your address, the address where these services were performed and how much they paid you (not what they owe you) for the services you provided. This is the only way they can claim the credit and you can claim items purchased for said children as business expenses. This includes taking them to McDonalds for a Happy Meal so save your receipts. And you must report the payments as INCOME to your and/or your business.

16. If you are a Drug Dealer/Trafficker, Amateur or Professional Thief, Gambler, Hired Hit Man, a Prostitute/Male Escort/Gigolo (outside of the State of Nevada), do a little sumptin’, sumptin’ on the side or if you have earned at least 1 cent of ILLEGAL INCOME guess what? YOU MUST REPORT IT ON YOUR TAXES!!! You are most likely able to eliminate, reduce or negotiate your sentence for your crime but your sentence for TAX EVASION is mandatory. If you don’t believe me ask Al Capone.

17. Unemployment checks and some select Social Security checks/benefits are income. If you don’t file these government issued checks, that is considered fraud and you can (or will) go to jail.

18. If you owe the FEDERAL or the STATE(S) governments back taxes, student loans or other miscellaneous fines or penalties, please tell me before I file your return. This will give me the opportunity to explain to you how the governments will confiscate all or part of your refund to settle debts to them and you will not be surprised if your check is a little late.

19. Most banks who provide loan services for your refund require a street address… this is true even if your address is a PO Box.

20. And last but definitely not least… please, Please, PLEASE do not wait until April 15th 2004 to try to file your taxes. For many of us, this is the last day of our employment and we go back to looking for jobs the next day or to our next seasonal job. This means that if something goes wrong, you will have to make an appointment for someone to help you and this usually costs more $$$.

I am not venting… I just feel the need to share some of my tax tidbits/information/concerns with the rest of you.

Have a Good Day America,

Your Neighborhood Tax Preparers.