[Eclipse]

Originally posted by DST Love:
What people don't get is that love is the easy part of the relationship, but it doesn't make things work. If it did, wouldn't everyone in the world be married to their first and only boy/girlfriend.

Not to mention, love doesn't pay bills. Money can be a big factor on why marriages don't work. Not that people leave just because of money issues, but when you have to argue and worry all the time about your financial situation, then it starts to chip away at your relationship. You have less time and energy to focus on each other for all the worrying and stress. You need to know the amount of money that both or one (for stay at home moms) of you have the potential to bring in for the rest of your life, how both of you deal with money, are you both investment focused, etc.

You also need to be on one accord in terms of religion, family values, overall morals, etc. What if one of you believes in spanking children and the other doesn't? What if one goes to church a couple a night a week and the other won't? What if one wants no children and the other wants four? What if one wants to be a stay at home parent but the other strongly opposes? What about both sides of the family? Can either of you deal with them? Because you'll have to forever in one way or another. I could go on and on with questions. If you don't share these same values, then your relationship will suffer and your children will be raised in a house divided. These and many, many more are questions that my boyfriend and I made sure we have the same answers to. If you don't share the same opinions or values, then you know it's time to walk away before you get married. The worst thing to do is get married thinking the other will change eventually.

When you are in a relationship, it's a little easier to walk out if something doesn't suit you. However, is that the type of marriage you would want? While I've never been married, I know you have to be a hell of a lot stronger emotionally, spritually and mentally to deal with issues as opposed to just walking out when you don't like something.

While one never quits growing, I imagine that childhood to full adulthood (not just being 18 or 21, but being completely independent in your thinking as well as financially) is a crucial stage in terms of your relationships, i.e. with God, family, friends, lovers, and others.

Now I don't know when you plan to get married and I'm not saying break up or don't get married, but just let a lot more time pass so that you can really try and understand yourself and all of the new experiences, changes, and struggles that life will bring.

I wish you success and happiness in all of your future endeavors.


[This message has been edited by DST Love (edited April 26, 2001).]

I saw Monique's post earlier and wanted to respond, but did not have the time, but thanks to DST Love now I won't have to! You broke it down. Great information for you Monique....