Quote:
Originally posted by Monique:
I was just thinking. With all the talk about Kobe getting married and stuff whats the big deal. Do u guys feel that they were to young? I'm 20 years old and i am engaged to an 18 year old. We've been together for 3 years and when i wear my ring i get that *Oh your to young right.. live a little, u might find someone else in college speech  I feel that if I'm happy and in love WHATS THE BIG DEAL.. It makes me feel like I cannot think for myself. Its not like we flying down the aisle tomorrow
 CAN SOMEONE PLEASEEEEE GIVE ME SOME IMPUT ON THIS.
THANKS
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Sorry but this is a long post.
First of all I am not purposely trying to discourage you from getting married, but believe me when I say you haven't learned or experienced enough yet. Now I can't say that you definitely need to experience other people. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. But I have been with my boyfriend since high school, although we had a break-up or two in college. But I will say, that we both have grown so much mentally, spiritually, and emotionally in the few years since graduating college. About midway through college, everyone was saying "when are you guys getting married...you've been together for X years". But thank God we were both mature enough to understand that our individual lives hadn't really even begun yet. Now it just so happens that even though we've both grown substantially and have changed our opinions on a lot of different subjects, we share those same new opinions and have grown closer together. But what if, through learning more about ourselves, we started going in completely different directions. Well, it'd certainly be better to find this out before getting married.
What people don't get is that love is the easy part of the relationship, but it doesn't make things work. If it did, wouldn't everyone in the world be married to their first and only boy/girlfriend.
Not to mention, love doesn't pay bills. Money can be a big factor on why marriages don't work. Not that people leave just because of money issues, but when you have to argue and worry all the time about your financial situation, then it starts to chip away at your relationship. You have less time and energy to focus on each other for all the worrying and stress. You need to know the amount of money that both or one (for stay at home moms) of you have the potential to bring in for the rest of your life, how both of you deal with money, are you both investment focused, etc.
You also need to be on one accord in terms of religion, family values, overall morals, etc. What if one of you believes in spanking children and the other doesn't? What if one goes to church a couple a night a week and the other won't? What if one wants no children and the other wants four? What if one wants to be a stay at home parent but the other strongly opposes? What about both sides of the family? Can either of you deal with them? Because you'll have to forever in one way or another. I could go on and on with questions. If you don't share these same values, then your relationship will suffer and your children will be raised in a house divided. These and many, many more are questions that my boyfriend and I made sure we have the same answers to. If you don't share the same opinions or values, then you know it's time to walk away before you get married. The worst thing to do is get married thinking the other will change eventually.
When you are in a relationship, it's a little easier to walk out if something doesn't suit you. However, is that the type of marriage you would want? While I've never been married, I know you have to be a hell of a lot stronger emotionally, spritually and mentally to deal with issues as opposed to just walking out when you don't like something.
While one never quits growing, I imagine that childhood to full adulthood (not just being 18 or 21, but being completely independent in your thinking as well as financially) is a crucial stage in terms of your relationships, i.e. with God, family, friends, lovers, and others.
Now I don't know when you plan to get married and I'm not saying break up or don't get married, but just let a lot more time pass so that you can really try and understand yourself and all of the new experiences, changes, and struggles that life will bring.
I wish you success and happiness in all of your future endeavors.
[This message has been edited by DST Love (edited April 26, 2001).]