Quote:
Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
1. If it were OPTIONAL, would you choose to do it?
2. What are the PROS? Cons, if any?
3. If you wanted it, but your mate didn't, then what? or vice verse, mate wants and you don't?
4. For those who are married or engaged, did you have it? How did it help you? What are some of the topics discussed?
5. Spiritual or non spiritual form of counseling?
Just some things that have been on my mind lately. 
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1. Before I got married our "counseling" consisted of "Read Ephesians 5. Any questions? O.k. Good. " Bless his heart. I WISH we had had some serious indepth counseling before we got married. I think it would have prevented some of our power struggles early on.
2. Pros--as a veteran of counseling (marital and individual) I think having a third party really helps get things out in the open. That person can ask questions and make observations that you can't always do in a relationship. The only "con" I can see is the posibility of getting an unqualified counselor. The fact is that a lot of folks have gone to school for 3 weeks or have some type of certification but are the pitifull-ist counselors you have ever seen. So called "Christian" counselors misusing and misquoting scriptures. I know someone who had a "Christian counselor who basically told her the problems in her marriage were because she was not submissive enough. Now, I truly believe in Biblical submission of the wife to the husband,l but how you gon' tell somebody that their husband is on drugs or addicted to porn or sleeping around and it is because you are not submissive enough? Sorry, I don't think so.
3. Like some one else said, MAJOR RED FLAG, but I would explore why they did not want counseling. Some folks were socialized to believe that you don't tell folks your business or that counseling is for crazy folks or that Black folks don't go to counselors. If any of these misconceptions were the case, I would find some good books for us to work through together. Les and Leslie Parrott have a good one that I can't remember the name of right now, Gary Chapman's the Five Languages of Love (or something like that) or Bunny and Frank Wilson's The Master's Degree are good choices IMO.
4. As I mentioned, we did not have premarital counseling, but we have been to several marriage enrichment seminars (which I recommend for couples to do every couple of years, even if nothing is "wrong"). Typical topics are communication, sex, money, and conflict/fighting fair.
5. I believe a house is only as strong as it's foundation, so it would definately have to be spiritual. Of course if you do not have a strong faith center I don't think it would make a difference.