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Okay, so I just wrote a huge, long response and it got erased!
First of all, I agree with everyone that you have to decide what you want to hear and what you can handle hearing. And what you will do based on what he says to you. If he has been cheating on you, are you willing to work through it?
Anyway, I see a lot of questions raised by this situation, and a lot of ways of approaching and dealing with it.
Basically, there are two important things:
A) From talking with guy friends and boyfriends, and from reading a lot of magazine articles, it seems that many men do not consider emotional cheating to be cheating. Not knowing just how far things have gone with this girl or how close they are, it could be that he has no idea that he is doing something wrong. And if he knew it bothered you, he may stop immediately.
B) On that same token, whether he knows he is acting inappropriately or not, one has to wonder - how long until he will? Why hasn't something physical happened with this girl yet - is it because he loves you and wouldn't do that to you, or is it simply a distance or logistical issue? And whether something happens with her or not, how long until something does (either with her or someone else)? Or, worse, has it already and you just don't know?
Basically, I think you need to talk to him. I don't think that you should tell him you read the e-mail though. Bring it up in a non-threatening manner, perhaps by asking an innocuous question about one of the topics in the e-mail. See if he is willing to share the same information with you; perhaps he doesn't talk to you about it because it never came up in conversation. Or, talk to him about the idea of emotional cheating in a hypothetical situation and see how he reacts to it ("Oh my God, Mr. Thetagrrl... you won't believe what happened to so-and-so the other day. She found out her boyfriend has been talking to another girl about all sorts of personal things, etc... I'm so glad somthing like that has never happened with us, I think it's so wrong." Or something along those lines...). See what his opinion is and what he says about what the boy must be thinking; if he says something about how the boy is probably cheating, that's not so good.
If all else fails and you just have to know, it may come to the point where you mention the e-mail... but think seriously about this action before you do it and be sure that you are ready for the consequences that could follow.
GOOD LUCK!
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