I know I really prayed a LOOOONNNNGGGG time regarding my relationship status. I saw many of the friends getting married--some in reverse (kids, then marriage and I ain't talking about uh-ohs pregnancies--more like, I took the ovulation test and I am fertile...). And I started to think that doing that sort of thing was the way to a man's heart... Then it was many of my single parent friends that forced me to see that for me, "getting married in reverse" is not the way to go... It was the way I was reared (spoiled rotten) that would not make me a "prime candidate" to start doing such a thing...
So then I prayed to "let go and let God"... I surrendered to His will. Biblically, the stories that come to mind are Sarah, Hannah and Elizabeth--all were old women when they had their children... And Biblically, Paul writes in Corinthians or Colassians (sorry, I get mixed up sometimes), what God requires of folks in marriage. Paul's gist was: There is no commandment for marriage, but if you all cain't take your hands off each other and must be around each other 24/7, then you all need to get married... But, when you get married, you are now devoted to your spouse, you cain't do all the things you're s'pose to be doing for God... You must be dedicated to your spouse...
Read it if that is your forte...
Also, irregardless of what you say, your funds get mixed up with his--and that in and of itself is about "being equally yoked"... If he's a spend thrift and your a saver... Y'all better sign a pre-nup or something in writing... 'Cuz yo taxes are jacked either way... 'Specially if you all own a house...
Also, do you really believe that one ought to marry his or her "soulmate"? Do we really just have one? Or do we have many at a given "stage" in our lives?
My husband told me skrait up that I was
NOT his soulmate.
That his soulmate gave him up for somebody else...
In fact, I told him before we were married that all these "silly women" that hurt him before, he has to move on, they did not want him and here is someone that LOVES the splendor of you right here, right now...
For me, the time limit worked... I told him, 3 months and he needs to tell me where our "ship" is going... If he doesn't, I don't have a problem moving on... Been there, do that, gotta T-shirt... And I can pack my suitcase at a moment's notice and jet... He said it was too much pressure... He bitched and moaned... But in the end, he was the one that came up with the eloping idea--not me... He was the one that got all the maritial paperwork in order--not me... So his dedication and commitment to me rang true...
Our relationship has its challenges. We don't know each other as much as folks who have dated and married over a time course. But my own mother said you can be married to a man for over 40 something years and still not know anything...
And what Nikki1920 said: Both my husband and I told each other that we are only getting married ONCE... And if 2 people do not feel that way or have different life experiences, then--it is about the "equally yoked" deal again. My husband and I are two peas in a pod, it sickening! But we may still be honeymooning... However, sometimes, we get sick of each other. We're not use to each other's idiosyncracies... It is a tough job...
Lemme just say this, if you force marriage onto an unwilling participant and it is not God's will for your life--or The Universe does not have that plan or direction for your path, you are going against and WILL be fighting an uphill battle. That is why, I waited--even though I kicked and screamed, I still waited...
DUDE, I dated an M.D. that worshipped the "eggs shells" I walked on and I gave him up, completely!!! So, in reality, I coulda had the princess diaries wedding of the planet... But I strongly felt that the more costly the wedding, the quicker the divorce...
At any rate, you don't want to get married to some fool who'd steal all your money, rape all your time, wastes your youth and does not enrich your soul... Life is way too short for fouled up maritial relationships. If you ain't clear with yourself, how do you really expect to be clear in any maritial relationship with somebody else? If you choose to walk into a jacked up mess that requires you to have a Ph.D. in psychology, then that is your perogative... But, why put your blood pressure up and die of a heart attack because the person you love decided to withdraw all the $$$ from the bank and go to God-knows-where with the stripper... I know of someone who is going thru that mess right now...
And it is waaaayyyy tooo difficult when you start adding children into the mix... Ask yourself, do you really want that kind of responsibility???