[lil_sunshine]

Good afternoon everyone on GC. My name is lil sunshine, and I'm a CoA.

I realized I was a CoA when I was in high school and I was telling my "friends" about how my father drank everyday to relax himself after a hard day's work. One of them said, "Oh my God, he's an alcoholic!" Automatically, I became defensive and told her, "No he's not, he just does it to relax himself." When I told my mother about what she said, she told me, "You know what? She's absolutely right."

My parents have been together for 31 years (will be 32 in April) and my father has never once, and I mean NEVER, proposed to my mother. She had been told numerous times by numerous people that he'd NEVER marry her. My father told one of my aunts that he didn't wanna marry my mother b/c he felt that she'd be taking something away from him (his opportunity to continue to whore around with any female of his choice). On a number of occasions, some of the females have gotten pregnant, but all but one of them got abortions. The one who didn't get the abortion went on to have my half-sister, who's the mother of my three year-old niece. My father tried to kick game to her mother and he told her that he had a daughter, but he and my mother weren't together, which was a lie b/c my parents were living together and my mother was about three months pregnant when my half-sister, who I'll call Hershey, was born (y'all know how long a gestational period is, so I'm sure you can do the math ). Her mother believed that he was single, hence the sexual relationship btwn the two, and my father's double life, began. Later, Hershey's mother found out that my father lied about his living situation and when she found out, she was already pregnant. She didn't believe in abortion so she kept Hershey. When he found out about her being born, he got to the hospital as soon as he could to see what the deal was. She looked like him and even had his peanut shaped head. My father used to bring me to their house so my father could spend time with Hershey. I was only about 2 1/2 years-old so I don't remember any of this going on; I was a daddy's girl then. I eventually found out about her from my big mouthed sister who's six months younger than Hershey, but she thought that Hershey was btwn the ages of 18 and 10. When she called my house on Sept. 10, 1999 and announced who she was, I thought she was just some dumb trick playing games on the phone. The convo went like so:

"Hello, can I speak to James?" (both my father and younger brother are named James)
"Who's calling?" I asked.
"Hershey."
"He's not home right now, can I take a message or would you like to leave your number so he could call you back?"
"Yeah." And she leaves her number.
"I'll let him know you called when he gets back."
"Okay thank you." She paused before she began again. "You know who I am right?"
"No."
"I'm your sister."
"Really?" I asked sarcastically
"Yeah."
"How old are you?"
"19."
"When's your birthday?"
"On the 21st."
"Of this month?"
"Yeah."
"So your b'date is 9/21/79?"
"Yeah. Why, what happened?"
"Ain't that a bitch!"
"What? What did I do?"
"It's not something you did, but what our father did."
"What?"
"You're six months and five days older than my sister that comes after me, which means that both of our mothers were pregnant at a the same time."
"Oh wow. I never knew that."

The convo continued on for a few more minutes with her revealing info that only someone who lived with me could've told her, that person being my father. She knew my sisters and brothers' names, my uncle's name (my father's brother) as well as other things. I arranged to meet her the next day, and saw that she looks just like my father. I still keep in touch with her to this day and try top visit my niece as often as possible.

As far as the questions asked:

1. I've never been to an Al-Anon meeting, but would like to attend. I'm still contemplating on going, but I don't know if Medicaid pays for that or not.

2. See 1st paragraph after intro.

3. I've never read any books on the subject, but I did read a small pamphlet on the subject of alcoholism and realized that I related to the coping mechanisms of CoA's. Mine is overeating, my sister after me is addicted to clothes shopping, and my youngest sister's mechanism is indifference, for the most part.

4. I haven't sought therapy yet b/c I'm not sure I can afford it, but I know I NEED IT!!!!!!

5. The alcoholics I know are still in my life, I live with these weirdos!!!! Both my parents are alcoholics, my mother a functioning one b/c of severe depression. She's able to look at someone to see whether they have the "drinker's face." Well, apparently she hasn't looked into the mirror b/c she has it too. Being that I live with the weirdos, I choose not to engage in personal outside relationships with guys b/c I don't wanna let my guard down for anyone (another defense mechanism and Cancerian trait). I also find myself contacting family members, extended and distant, trying to hold the family together like I'm superhuman or something. I like my role, but I'm tired of it b/c none of these people really care how I'm doing otherwise and none of them make much of a conscious effort to keep in touch with me. I'm always doing the calling or e-mailing. I know it works two ways, but I feel that if I don't do my part, it won't get done.

6. It affects my non-romantic relationships b/c I only have one best friend and we've been through the muck of muckity-muck and are still friends. I'm the godmother of all four of her children. I have another friend whom I consider my road dawg b/c we're both SINK (single income, no kids) and we hang out sometimes when we have the time and money. I've known her since high school. I would like to have had more friends, but to introduce any of them to my weirdo parents is incomprehensible, if not embarrassing!!!!!!!!

ETA: I do drink, but in moderation and only on special occasions and I know what my limit is. I never want to feel like I'm too sloshed to know WTHIGO around me. Also, I try not to drink more than one kind of drink on any occasion; it impairs the judgement quicker.

If you have any more questions, people, PM me!!!!!