[darling1]

Originally posted by Ideal08
I am SO happy that people are willing to discuss this. And I guess I am ready to share my story. First, the books that I bought:

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA) by Jaent Geringer Woititz, Ed.D
Another Chance by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse
Codependent No More

I've read a little in each book when I was in the bookstore, and they are all really interesting. I am starting with ACoA basically because it is the easiest read. I am learing a lot about myself and why I do the things that I do. It's scary, but necessary.

A couple of years ago, I met a soror online. I remember us talking about how we never quite felt like we fit in anywhere. I SO identified with that, and still do (although I've never shared that with anyone BUT her, until now). Now I understand why. I knew that it had something to do with my family being dysfunctional, but I would have never guessed that it was because of the alcoholism. I am going to email that soror today to ask her if she grew up in a family plagued by alcoholism.

This is something that I've never really talked about. Not with family, friends, sorors, not even my closest LS. But I've always said, silence breeds confusion, and I'm tired of being confused.

My story: My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. My uncle hardly EVER visited us. EVER. And when me and my grandmother would go to the Bronx to visit him, my grandfather couldn't go. I used to think that was JACKED up beyond belief. He didn't see my grandfather for years until my grandpa died. I knew why, I always did, but I felt like my uncle wasn't being forgiving; after all, that was his FATHER. But my grandfather did some REALLY jacked up stuff to my mom and my uncle when they were kids, not to mention others. He was a violent drunk. He was an alcoholic until he died. I grew up with him in the home.

My father was also an alcoholic. He wasn't always violent when he drank, but he could be. I never feared him, but I did sometimes fear what he would do to other people. It was a constant argument between him and my mother (about his drinking). I was always scared they would divorce and I would have to choose a parent. But they never did. They were married until they died. My father also drank until his death.

My mother was ALSO an alcoholic. BUT, I didn't admit this until about 5 or 6 years after she passed away. I thought since she got on my father so tough about it, she couldn't possible be one, too. Even though my grandmother TOLD me that she was. She, too, drank until her death.

So, it seems that NO ONE went to AA. Not once. And no one ever told me about Al-Anon, either. It definitely affects the family. Both of my sisters are addicts. One actually stopped drug use about ten years ago, after our parents died. However, she started back drinking after she had been sober for about five years (she attended Narcotics Anonymous meetings). She, too, is an alcoholic. We are not talking right now because of the way she is when she drinks. I can't continue to deal with what I dealt with growing up in regards to alcoholism. I just can't.

I know that I have basically put all of my business out there. But I am hoping that someone will benefit in some way from reading this. We have to begin to share our stories. I used to be embarrassed by ALL of this. But now I realize that none of this is a reflection of me; I was BORN into this madness. Maybe through sharing, we can start to heal.

Thank you to those who shared their stories (here and via pm). I hope we can continue this conversation. If anyone would like to read the books and discuss them online bookclub style, let me know.

I still can't believe I shared all of that.

(((((hugs)))) ideal!!!!!

parents, drugs, mental illness, physical and sexual abuse. i know i have shared my story and i am glad you were courageous enough to share yours.

anything you do whether its counseling, reading, talking or writing, that will help you to accept and heal is a great thing.

we as a people need to stop this archaic crap about keeping 'bidness' private. the affects are truly damaging.

ideal you are a brave and courageous sister!!! stay encouraged. you can always pm or e-mail me. .