THANK YOU ALL for your words of wisdom. It certainly has helped emotionally and mentally.
I spoke to a BrothaFriend of mine that was around me and my mother during the earlier years (before she booted me out). Actually this friend was my "first" and when my mother found out that I was doin the do, she called me a bitch and said, "I hope you don't get AIDS and he only wants you for you puzzy."
I still remember standing there thinking my own mother just called me a female dog. Now mind you I was a sophmore in college my first time. Although I thought I would marry this man (he married someone else last year ), he and I are still very good friends and he's proably the only outsider that knows the story.
He says (just like a man)
says my mother needs a man.
I think the type of relationship I've envisioned is unrealistic. I earned my master's degree this past August and didn't tell her that I was even in school; I wanted to surprise her. I planned on meeting her in NYC and taking her out to dinner and SoulCafe or Mecca's and to a broadway show, but since I didn't find that bangin' job right away, my money wasn't right, so I called her and told her and she said she wanted to see it, did I go to a fake school that hands out degrees for knitting. I thought she was joking (she has a dry sense of humor at times) and laughed it off.
I just want a healthy relationship with my mother and I don't think it's healthy right now. I still feel that it's my fault and that I need to do something other than distance myself, but that's what I may have to do, as so many have suggested.
Thanks again for listening or reading.
Peace, Power & Infinite Blessings