[Jill1228]

This is gonna be long!

Both of my in denial parents, have problems with alcohol

Have you ever been to an Al-Anon meeting? How long did you contemplate it before actually going? Did you feel comfortable? Could you relate?

No I haven't

What made you realize that you were codependent?
I was ashamed to talk about it. I am not ashamed anymore. Talking about it is therapeautic for me. EFFF that "we don't tell folx our business!" Also when I would put up with my father's BS (who I now refer to as the EX FATHER's, we are now estranged). My sister is still extremely codependent (cmon, she is 39 and still lives at home). She thinks I am a biatch, because I said, "until a person hits rock bottom and wants to do something about it, there is nothing you can do". She sees me as an uncaring biatch.

Have you read any books on the topic? If so, which ones?

[b]Yes, "Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward. Great book. I highly recommend! And there is one called "Adult Children of Alcoholics"

Did you seek therapy?
Yup! Been in and out of therapy for years. I am also on antidepressants. I have severe depression and severe PTSD (Post Truamatic Stress Disorder) As I said above "Eff that we don't tell folx our bidness"! If it helps me, they can kiss my butt! (I am also a survivor of child abuse). Had I not sought help I would not be here! (as in suicide)

Are the alcoholics still in your life?
Yes and no. My mother is, but I keep her at a distance, literally and figuratively...being 3000 miles away was part of my healing process My ex-father is no longer in my life, when he disrespected me about my wedding, that was THE last straw. (My parents are divorced) I cut all ties. I learned one thing...when a person says something when theyI are drunk, it is their true feelings...they just don't have the F-ing balls to say it when they are sober. And when they say "I am sorry, it will not happen again" they are full of isht!

How do you deal with them as adults?
See above. I pretty much consider my ex father dead (and G-d forgive me when he dies I will NOT go to his funeral!). My mom, I will call her out in a New York Minute. Besides, I will NEVER EVER forgive her for the hell she put us thru. (after my parents divorced) she hooked up with an abusive prick...IMO sacrificed her kids for a man (found out she was cheating on my now ex-father with him). He treated her like a queen at first. Meanwhite treating us like isht, and she did nothing about it. I think only after a few years of getting her azz beat in later years, she got rid of him. (The main reason for my PTSD and therapy)

Do you have a new family of your own? How does it affect relationships with your new family?
Yes I am married. I do NOT put up with abusive behavior in any way shape or form. As a result, I am not much of a drinker


How do you think it affects your non-romantic relationships?
If I feel I need help, it is like "EFF this!" I have to watch for number one! I will NOT pull the "we gotta look like/act like a big ol happy family BS"

As you can see I have no problem talking about it and if you want to ask me questions, either ask me here or send a PM