SF,
I am truly saddened to read about your situation. I experienced a not so positive experience with my own mother this past holiday.
Like another poster, I believe Carolyne, said it best, you can't choose your mother, but it is imperative that you honor yourself first and foremost and if necessary rethink your relationship with your mother at this time. I have experience first hand what it is like to have a parent who feels that she can put her children through emotional rollercoasters. She (my mother) feels completely justified in being disrespectful to her children because she after all is our parent. What she and so many other parents including yours seems to forget is that not only are we children, we are human beings and grown-up who have the right to be respected and treated with kindness and love.
My advice to you is really evaluate what it is you want in terms of a relationship with your mom. Ask God to give you the strength to make the right decision for you. SF I know this is hard, but always remember that you are accountable for you. IF anyone can love and respect you for the person you are, you must simply bid them peace and move on. The issues your mother has go far beyond you and you are not responsible for her and helping her work through them. She has to be the one. There is nothing wrong with loving her from afar.
I am prayin for you! If you want to talk some more, feel free to e-mail me or PM me. You are not alone.
((hugs))