Thank you all for your advice.
To answer some questions:
My grandmother (mom's mother) died when my mother was 18 years old, but from what she tells me, their relationship wasn't that ideal.
My mother had my sister when she was 16 years old and my sister was killed in 1973 (she was 7, I was 2-so I don't remember her-only thru photos). So I know that will always be with my mother and I understand that.
My mother was almost raped when she was a child and as an adult was in an abusive marriage (my father was abusive towards her).
I get all that and understand that she's in pain. But she would never really come out and say that. I've been told that she may need or may have needed counseling in regards to my sister, but I don't think it was common -kids killing kids, in 1973, so there wasn't a lot of support groups as today. And I don't think she would have participated even if there was.
From my eyes, my mother doesn't think anythings wrong with her, she's always right, someone is always doing something to HER, not her doing anything to anyone.
Let me say that my mother (before she put me out in 1992) exposed me to a lot of positive things, and protected me to the best of her ability.
But once she put me out it was as if she rid herself of being a mother. She doesn't really know me as an adult. We haven't had a solid relationship since I was 21 and as mentioned I just turned 33.
She constantly compares me to my father, whom she says is a pathological liar, selfish, stupid, etc.
I don't know how to tell her that I don't want to be compared to my father, that I don't want to be part of a conversation where all she's doing is throwing verbal daggers at me (She has a knifed tongue) in way that she doesn't take it as me being disrespectful and dishonoring my mother.
To the brotha AXEAM: I appreciated what you gave. I addressed SistaFriends b/c it seems that the son-mother relationship is much different from the daughter-mother relationship. And it's seems unnatural to have a distant relationship with your mother. I understand and know this and have such relationships with others, but it doesn't seem right when it's your mother.
To Crimsontide: I think I answered your questions, but one other thing is my mother often compared me to my sister. She would ask me to give her a "pedicure" almost everyday. Some days I didn't want to and she would say, "If Lisa (my sister) was here she would do it." So sometimes I felt like I was competing.
I want to be able to tell her how I feel w/o her saying, "The Bible says..""
And if I told her the part about the parents don't provoke your kids, her reply would be, "Well that's not in the Ten Commandments, the first commandment says honor your mother..."
This situation makes me WANT TO HOLLLA
