Quote:
Originally posted by Optimist Prime
I think it would better to have that stress before marriage though. Because what if something surfaces after you're married. Its not going to be less of a problem just because you're married.
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But that's the whole point--things will *always* surface after you're married, and the strategies you apply for dealing with those things within your committed marriage determine your success or failure as a couple.
When just living together, you don't have that same committment that you do when you're married...so your coping strategies are *utterly* different.
Then, if/when they finally get married, the couple rarely realizes that they need a *whole* new set of strategies....since the committment of marriage changes the entire dynamic.
I know this probably sounds insane...it's kind of one of those things that is nearly impossible to understand until you've been through it (and watched all of your friends go through it).
Marriage (she says, as her 2 year anniversary approaches next week) is a wonderful, amazing, special, precious thing--but it is HARD, and it takes an incredible amount of work and dedication, and a whole new mindset that can be well...very Weird at first.
My husband and I dated for 4 years before we got engaged, then were engaged for a year, and we were shocked at how difficult the transition was (and we have 2 sets of great role models in our parents--mine have been married 33 years, and his have been married 29 years next month).
I just hate to see people setting themselves up for a harder road than the early part of marriage can already be...and I think living together makes that road a good deal harder (and the statistics back me up).
Now the 2nd year of marriage....THAT'S been fun!