ThetaGrrl, remember the Golden Rule: "Whoever has the gold, makes the rules." If you're paying for the reception yourself, you should be able to have the reception you want!
I've heard that cake-and-punch or cake-and-champagne receptions are traditional in the South, so I'm guessing this is your family's background - correct me if I'm wrong.
How about something like this? A morning ceremony followed by cake and champagne in your church's social hall, then everyone's invited to a gala evening reception hosted (and paid for) by you and your fiance. If your parents don't like it - they don't have to go.
