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My advice would be to go through rush and see what happens before you decide on a final plan. I think I agree with your choice to take yourself out of formal rush -- maybe its not right but I think most pnm's will write you off because of your numbers. With COB'ing emphasize the fact that your chapter is rebuilding, new members have a chance to get in on the ground floor, there are more chances to have leaderships positions right away and they will have more of say in the direction of your chapter than they would in the national chapters.
As for affiliating with a national I would say you should give it a try even if your small. One of the benefits is support you can receive from having a larger almunae base, which I think you have seen the disadvantages of not having. My guess (though I guess I don't really have anything to base this on) is to approach the smaller nationals. I would think they probably have a greater hunger for expansion and might considering yor smaller numbers better than starting off with nothing.
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