Quote:
Originally posted by DeltAlum
Monet,
I don't know Diva or her parents, so what I say is pure speculation.
I doubt if her family "hates" this young man -- or even African Americans.
In fact, in many cases, I would guess just the opposite. They might be scared to death. Scared of what their friends will think. Scared of having to move outside their comfort zone. Scared of the difficulties (real and imagined) that their daughter might be getting herself into. Scared to face the reality that things are changing.
Most of all, scared of something the don't understand.
Or, I could be wrong. Maybe they do hate -- but that's a pretty strong word, and a stronger emotion.
Asking God's help can never hurt, though, and I think your advice is sound.
|
D-alum--
I know that for my folks it was tough when my brother made his decision--however, he was much older than Diva.
AlphaGamDiva--
What I might say may hurt you. But this is not my intention. You must look at the reality of your situation.
Based on what I read on your profile and going to your website and seeing how you live, you are basically a spoiled little girl... (Remember, it takes one to know one...
)
Your parents love the world of you. They hurt an utter pain when they see you hurt. They have given you all that you have desired and they will give you more if you wanted it...
Your parents did not raise you to be somebody's wife before the age of 25 years old... Maybe that was okay for your folks to do, but apparently, it is not for you... They have much higher expectations for you. They want you to achieve as much as you possibly can before you go off into the "world" and find someone to love you, marry you and have babies with...
It was not that long ago, that most of what women wanted was nullified and they were routed into a life that they did not choose. However, times have changed to the point that you can do whatever your "mindstrength" allows you to do... If you want to be an astronaut--you go girl!!! I wish the best of luck to you!!!
But at 22ish-23ish, sweetheart, have you begun to think about how you are going to live? Do you own a house? Do you have mutual funds? Do you have a steady paycheck? Do you have some kind of retirement? What do you have? And will this man you supposedly love be the provider for what you desire for yourself, him and your family?
Basically, why is he talking about marriage--so soon, nonetheless? What is his concept of marriage? What is his motivation to put that concept inside your head?
So, think about it... Your mother sees you latching yourself onto another guy, the relationship is rapid-fire, then to top it off, he is not of your culture and so, your mother freaks... Here is your mom, about 40ish-50ish--about to go thru menopause, if not already, her job is probably driving her psycho anyways, then her daughter, who she probably sees a lot of herself into, decides to hop right into the passions of fire with a "statistic" in her mind... She absolutely has no clue what you are getting yourself into and all she can do is be a mother and say what ever she has to say, do whatever she has to do to stop you... If you were younger, she would probably admonish you if she could... (Back in my day, I'd a gotten whipped--but nowadays, parents admonish...)
Just like many of us older GCers have stated, popping up and down to "prove" to your mom that this boy is "good enough for you to date" is not the issue for your mom. It is more about the longterm goals the she sees. I don't think your mother gives a dayum about what the "community" would say. I just think your mother is being a mother and well, honestly, doesn't know what to say and so she blurts it out... It might come out as bigoted, but how would you stop your child from your perceived danger if you did not blurt it out... Like "STOP" works...
So if you are going to be obstinent to the people who have loved you your entire life, that is your choice. But beware of the consequences of your actions. Why don't you just take your mother out to lunch one weekend and hash things out with her??? Form an agenda with what is going on in your mind and ask her the poignant questions... Say to her, "when you say ___, it makes me feel like ___" and why you feel that way. Maybe she'll listen, maybe she won't, but you tried. And you ought to pay for lunch too!!!
And make sure that you tell her you love her with all your heart... That way she will know you are on a decent "track" in your life...