[PiEp299]

Here's a few more...

The perfect breakfast ... you're sitting at the table -
-Your son is on the cover of the box of Wheaties...
-Your mistress is on the cover of playboy...
-And your wife is on the back of the milk carton!
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To women everywhere from a man who's had enough . . .
- Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's down, put it up.
- If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
- Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
- Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. really.
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
- No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
- Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
- Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
- Check your oil.
- It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
- All comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
- Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
- If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
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One bright, beautiful Sabbath morning everyone in the tiny Midwestern town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started the towns people were sitting in their pews when suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon everyone evacuated from the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew. He was not moving and seemed oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Now, this confused and irritated the Devil a little bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" "Yep, sure do," replied the elderly gentleman. Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't ," the gentleman replied. Satan, a little more perturbed at this, asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."