[DeltAlum]

Hey Diva,

You've gotten some good advice, and some bad advice above. You know which is which.

I think you need to figure out (you probably actually already know) why your mom asked the question -- overlooking the terrible timing and place she asked.

Is it because she (or both parents) are opposed to inter-racial dating, or because they're concerned that if this becomes serious, you and your boyfriend might be facing difficulties in the future? In other words, is this her (thier) problem or are they worried about your future? Remember, that while it isn't excusable, their experience with this situation isn't nearly as clean cut as yours is. That's a PC way of saying that it wasn't as easily accepted by their generation as it is by yours.

Perhaps the most important question I saw in the earlier posts is whether this young man is worth alienating your parents -- and whether they will change their attitudes.

It sounds like you don't really know how the answer(s) yourself at this point.

I'm not sure there's any clear cut answer to this right now, but you might try just telling them that you are mentally feeling your way through this relationship at this point -- trying hard to understand it yourself. That it may or may not get serious in the future.

Jumping up and down screaming "I'm 22 and ready to make my own decisions" (even if it's true) is not a good way to encourage dialogue and understanding, though.

Now, before anyone jumps on my case, I will say that we already went through this in our family several years ago, and the kid that daughter number two was going out with turned out to be a delightful young man. The relationship was short-lived because they were both dating others as well. We invited her friend to join us at an athletic event we had tickets to, like him, and we never had an issue with the situation.

Additionally, we had college friends (black man/white woman) who were married back in about 1967 -- when it wasn't nearly as acceptable as now -- who are still together. I say "had" because we live 1200 miles from each other now. I still get together for beers with him when I'm back in Ohio, though -- and talk to him on the internet fairly often. I doubt that it was easy for them, but it worked! That means it can probably work for you, too.

(While I wouldn't call it dating, I used to go out drinking a lot with a black woman who is now a very successful big market TV anchor. No, I won't name names. Maybe I should have....no, probably not. Mrs. DeltAlum wouldn't have liked it much.)

I would simply advise, not to do anything that will have long lasting consequences unless you're absolutely sure that the relationship is worth it.

Which, in the end, is your decision to make, not your parents.

Good luck...