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I don't mean this to sound bitchy, but it probably will...
I don't think that your mom is going to change her mind. I don't think that anything you can say or do is going to change her mind. IMHO, she was completely out of line for even asking you if he was white and for saying "No" -- what are you, a five year old in the grocery store picking up a box of cookies that she doesn't want to you to have? I don't think it's an issue of you hurting your family -- it's an issue of your family being unreasonable, and if you living your life the way you want to live it is going to hurt them, then I'm sorry to say, but so be it. I am constantly amazed when parents (mine included, believe me) try to tell their ADULT children what to do. They need to realize that you are an adult and you make your own decisions. It is their job to support you and be there for you. I'm assuming that they think that they raised you to be a smart, thoughtful woman, and now it's time for them to sit back and let you BE that smart, thoughtful woman.
Maybe it's because I'm quite a bit older than you are, but I find myself completely unwilling to put up with shit from anyone, family included. If I were in your place, I would say something like this:
Mom, I am dating a wonderful man who treats me kindly and with respect. If you have a problem with that, call me when you get over it.
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