My major client: If you keep me late at the office, yes, I
will bill you for it, and you will pay me, or we will go to court. You will pay my invoices in a timely manner. You will not "lose" my time sheets and use that as an excuse not to pay me. YOU ARE AN ASS.
The @$$hole who assaulted me 2 years ago: No, I did not cut you off, and even if I had, that's no reason to tailgate me for the next 3 miles and then throw water on me through my sun roof. And blaming your temper tantrum on 9/11 was just low.
The cop that gave my husband a speeding ticket 2 months ago: You lied like a rug. No way was he doing 80. And bragging about all the tickets you'd given out in the last hour was just obnoxious. (Oddly enough, my husband told me that when he saw said cop at traffic court, somebody
had kicked the cr@p out of him...)
All stupid drivers (read: most of the driving-age population): If I'm doing 70 and you're so close to me that I can't see your headlights, guess what, YOU'RE TAILGATING. I will not drive faster, I will not move into a different lane, you can just sit there!
And for #5, gotta go with my client again. Can you tell I'm pissed?
ETA: How could I have forgotten my evil ex-boyfriend who dumped me by IM?