[Sistermadly]

This piece appeared in the Vancouver Sun a few days ago, and was written by a heterosexual couple whose wedding is coming up. I thought it was well reasoned, and well written, but then I'm someone who's conflicted over using the word "husband" to describe my partner.

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Wednesday, August 13, 2003

We're getting married on Oct. 5. Over the past several months, we've been examining the origins and meanings of the most basic structures of weddings, and of marriage itself.

A great many aspects of marriage -- as both an act and a state -- are rooted in patriarchal systems and have mostly to do with the transfer of property (which is exactly what a marriage was, as recently as 1928, when a woman was not yet a person under Canadian law, and was on her wedding day a chattel being transferred from the possession of her father, or nearest male relative, to the possession of her husband). Obviously, this is no longer the spirit in which couples enter into a marriage in Canada, but this history, and the processes of marriage that we have inherited from it, cast long shadows.

Still, we believe in marriage, but we've been working hard to figure out exactly what it means to us.

As we've been sorting through all this, trying to see where we fit in, same-sex marriage is being legalized. Across North America, the question is being asked: "Does gay marriage diminish marriage in general?" Our answer is "no."

In fact, the legalization of gay marriage has given us hope. As we approach our own wedding day, and delve deeper and deeper into the meaning of marriage, we are realizing that our own marriage is strengthened, made more significant, valuable and profound, by the fact that "marriage" in Canada now refers to the bond that exists between any two people who are fortunate enough to be lovingly nurtured by each other, and to the commitment they choose to make to sustain that bond spiritually and legally throughout their lifetimes.

And now we know where we fit in. This is what marriage really is to us: two people who choose to live out the rest of their lives sharing life's sorrows and joys, burdens and gifts.

There's nothing else to hang it on; no practical end or purpose, like propagating the species, or merging households, or continuing a family name. It is a pure, rather naked commitment agreed upon between two human spirits. It has simply to do with love. How courageous, how bold! How fundamentally respectful. And how right.

The legalization of gay marriage allows us to embark upon a marriage that is completely free of those long shadows. It has brought a joyful and unexpected clarity to what we are undertaking. We are proud of Canada, and grateful to be living in this intelligent nation in such an extraordinary time.

Katey Wright and Peter Jorgensen

Vancouver