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just starting to read your thread so i am playing catch-up with my responses.
when my chapter of aephi was refounded it was by a local sorority that had formed with the intent of going national but without a specific national in mind. they were founded as the local in Spring 91. They called up all the nationals they were interested in and then picked AEPhi b/c they seemed the most interested and helpful with the process. A year later after being pledged through national they were fully chartered as a chapter by Spring 92. so i don't think nationals neccesarily prefer a pre-established local. personally i would think a new group would be preferable to an older one b/c they are less likely to be set in their ways.
as for the problems with your by-laws and constitution they are probably just nit-picking to get on your nerves. All they should be concerned about is that you have enough structure to keep the organization stable and that you have taken risk management precautions. Honestly just give them what they want - in most schools while you have to get your initial constitution and bylaws approved they have no say in any changes you make after your charter has been approved.
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