Quote:
Originally posted by carnation
It seems like if you keep your kids under control in public, people act aghast. If you don't, they act aghast (and should). It seems like a parent can't win.
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Amen! Sometimes parents can't please anyone, including themselves and their children. Even the best of children can get antsy when a meal is delayed (or when the kitchen runs out of Macaroni and Cheese!) Sure, I'll agree, there's nothing worse than the parent who isn't watching their child in a public place.
I'm afraid to think that maybe we're regressing to the days of "Children don't speak and don't exist unless spoken to." Trust me, I don't want to return to my childhood (my parents were children of the Depression/WW2 years, and I was born in the mid-60s.) I was never beaten or tied up or anything like that, thankfully. Neither were my kids, but yes they've been spanked, they've been bopped and they've been physically restrained when necessary.
What did I learn from my own childhood? My kids have the right to express their opinions to adults with respect. They can request a particular meal or restaurant, and expect to find at least one part of the meal be something they truly enjoy eating. They can explore their own interests when it comes to extracurriculars (and all 3 are middle school and younger.) They choose their own bedroom layouts (to a point), and have input on their wardrobe and hairstyle (and all 3 are boys.) They have input on major family decisions, whether it's family vacation or sports team participation, or which summer camp they attend. They are allowed to be individuals while they are part of our family.
Does this make me a perfect parent? Absolutely not, trust me I'm not even close--but we have 3 healthy honor roll kids who are active in drama and band, sports, and they each have plenty of friends. We must be doing something right, even if one of these kids did need restraints. He wasn't restrained because we were mean, not because we couldn't "control" him, and not because he was "bad." There were times that he needed to be Safe, and that's how we could ensure his safety. Assumptions can be scary things, folks. Please, don't assume that just because a parent chooses to use physical restraints that it's for negative reasons.
Even the very best of parents and very best of children can have problems in public. If a parent sincerely tries to do the right thing for their child, there's someone out there who thinks they are WRONG WRONG WRONG. There's no winning sometimes, and we parents don't ever know if we get it right until our children are finally grown and on their own. Hopefully, all of us who are parents--and all of us who may be one day--do get it right for our children and our families.
Christin