A friend just sent these to me and I thought about this post...I've tried to take out the redundant ones..
You Know You're In a Black Church When...(NEW FUNNIES!!)]
3. The congregation is preaching along with the preacher!!
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4. When the special prayer request time is used to spread gossip!!
("I'm just mentioning it because I want y'all ta pray...")
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5. Mothers will be shouting the place down in the Spirit and stop abruptly to beat their child!!
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6. When folks wil fall asleep snore and blame it on the baby on
their lap, the child sitting next to them or an evil spirit!!
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10. You pass the offering plate without putting anything in it and
the usher passes it right back to you and waits for you to put something in it!!
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11. You testify for more than 5 minutes, the musicians will start playing shouting music to shut you up!!
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12. During the communion folks be grabbing extra crackers for the
kids and sipping the grape juice before time!!
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13. You have to shout with your pocketbook in your hand!!
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14. The evangelists shake under the Power and have to readjust their wigs!!
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15. The mothers forget their teeth and say "Let everything that
haves breasts praise the Lord!!
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16. The deacons sing during devotional service and you can't understand A WORD!!
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17. The leader forgets the lead of their song and starts shouting so they won't be embarrassed!!
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18. You run around the church in the Spirit, trip and fall and pretend you fell out under the Power so you won't be embarrassed!!
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19. There are 30 people in Sunday School and the offering was only $3.25!!
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20. The preacher has a cape!!
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21. The bishop comes to town and the necklines drop and the hemlines rise
> > (HMMmmmm)!!
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23. You see a publicly displayed bulletin board listing the members
of the church and the amount of their tithes and offerings!!
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24. A prophet is identified as the "bow legged prophet" or the "barefoot prophet" or the "singing prophet"!!
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26. The choir is singing a song that has "whatsonever" in it!!
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27. The only way you get folks to come back in the afternoon is with those six magic words: REFRESHMENTS WILL BE SERVED AFTER
SERVICE!!
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28. The choir sings hard before the preacher preaches and then when
it's time to sing after the preaching, there are two choir members
in the stand!!
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> > 32. A person dies and the family members try to climb into the
casket during the last viewing!!
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> > 36. Sis. Palmer gets up to lead a song and she cracks and is off key and someone in the audience shouts "Take ya time,baby...sing for the Lord!!"
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37. The preacher gets his whoop on and spit is flying e'rewhere!!
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39. Sis. Johnson gets up to make an announcement about a program
and she keeps on saying "Bear with me saints, I'm nervous!" and you're in the congregation saying "I wish she would go 'head and make the announcement and sit down!!" And the Pastor is looking around
all flustered wishing she would just wrap it up!!
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42. The ushers lock the front door during offering!!
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> > 43. The members try the ushers patience by trying to open the front
door during prayer and the usher looks back through the door window with a look like "Touch this door again and you will die"!!
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> > 44. You bust the back out of a tambourine you borrowed without
> > permission and try to slip it under somebody else's seat!!
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